What book talks about pain, discipline, hardships, skin tearing maturity and growing up, anything that can show me the way or motivate me, to make me feel atleast something. To read something I’ve never had in my life due to fear, comfort and avoidance of anything that hurts, how to take off.

I can not stop identifying, daydreaming about ‘ME’, the one that gives my life the meaning and reason to continue living. That’s the reason I’m not on rp/asktrp or game forums anymore. Identificating is ruining my life, how is it possible that there’s too many people crushing it and there am I experiencing same shit and not knowing how to stop it and gain success. Therapy doesn’t help much, today will be my last day with my psychologist.

I don’t know what I wanted to gain from all of what I wrote here. When I open up to people I’ve left alone. I don’t know where I’m wrong or what is it that I’m doing that makes me go through life without experiencing change or better life. Feels like never ending dream or ‘groundhog’ movie. I don’t feel like sleeping, I just close my eyes at night and open at light, and previous day just continue. This virus situation is making me more closed and anxious, not being able to meet people and women, scared of catching it and making my parents life mess