The more relationships I have with women, platonic or intimate, the easier it becomes to accept the concept that all women are the same. I’ve come to grasp that while all women are the same, they tend to have different levels or forms to it. The issue I’m experiencing is how I handle dealing with mind-fuckery. I wish to provide one breakup experience and need your thoughts and advice.

I finally had enough when I spent about $150 on some clothes for my ex-girlfriend and 30 minutes later over dinner she complained along the tune of: How she was stuck in limbo land, how she wanted our relationship to progress but that I was not doing enough for her…

My mind was literally fucked from the hypocrisy, the ungratefulness, the lack of honesty and loyalty. All I could think of was how I’ve spent $100s paying for meals, buying her sexy bras and panties, which by the way, she never wore for me. She would show me how she brought sexy panties or lingerie for our trips that I paid for (now it’s more like $1,000s), which again she never wore for me. I thought of the times I brought food to her work, the times I helped her do yard work, etc. Basically, the many times I was there for her emotionally and financially, like a traditional “real man” was supposed to be. I thought about the times she complained how chivalry was dead because there are no real men anymore or that they’re gay or taken…and it hit me.

I responded, “If I could sum up our entire conversation in one sentence: We are not compatible.”

In total silence, we walked back to her car, and she drove me to the parking garage I had her pick me up at. When I got out of the car she tried to hug me and in a pissed off tone I said, “No! A hug is just false hope.” And that was the last time we spoke until I asked her to meet up for coffee to have a serious talk.

I invited her to coffee to give her the news, although it was already clear 3 weeks prior because I specifically expressed that we had different and conflicting goals and personalities. I distinctly remember her guilt tripping me or trying to make me feel bad by saying, “I hope you don’t have a woman lined up because that would be really offensive and as if our relationship didn’t mean anything.”

I responded, “No I don’t…and you think I’m not affected by this, but that’s because I just never told you the many sleepless nights I’ve spent hurting over us, and over you.”

When I mentioned that I was indeed hurting by our breakup she elevated to a happier mood. That scenario triggered me because it was obvious she wanted to see me hurt, or to see that I’m not some robot with no feelings. She wasn’t even interested in finding out why I wanted to end things. Just if she meant something. The conversation that followed suit went to meaningless things like what movies/shows she wanted to watch.

I later found out that she was already “talking” to a guy about 2 weeks before I even told her how we were incompatible. I was simply mind-fucked because she tried to make me feel guilty or bad over something she was doing…What the fuck?

I’m mind-fucked over the double speak, the lies, and the emotional manipulation. Most importantly, I’m not even mad at her, I’m mad at how the entire ordeal is socially acceptable and I see it in various forms by my peers and family. Every woman will admit that it was wrong, but then they all do it? What the fuck?

I would like to note: I had sex on command with her. I was the one to refuse sex. Maybe that played a role?

I’m over it, but there are many moments that remind me of these experiences. Similar experiences that happened with other women, including platonic relationships. I can’t help but to start feeling down. I catch myself and start saying things like “AWALT, it’s ok I’m my own…” but the feelings are still there. The best analogy I could think of is a drug addict whose been clean, but every day something happens that triggers his want to get high, even if it only lasts for a few minutes.

Every part of me wants to be with a woman, have affection, have a companion, have love, but I know it doesn’t exist in this world. I know what I wish for is like wishing for Santa Clause to be real. It’s only a few moments in a day where I think about this and they fade rather quickly.

I know it’s commonly said to occupy one’s time, or find things to do or learn, etc…but no amount of “doing things” seems to completely free me from the mental grasp. Certainly there are still moments y’all think about mind-fucked experiences and ponder on it…

How do you guys deal with it on a psychological level? How have you accepted it and moved on?