Intro

I have a pretty deep distaste for useless advice. When I say useless advice, I mean generic garbage like, be yourself, be confident, bring her into your frame. Nothing wrong with it, but most guys don't hear that and immediately undergo a radical change in perspective and go "OMG, I just need to be confident, and be myself", then sail off into the sunset with millions of dollars and playboy bunnies, from new found confidence. The topic of the day will be a different perspective on understanding frame with bonus examples.

Body

To see a phenomenal example of frame control. Watch this video

https://youtu.be/IOqtra7j6UM

Whether you like Trump or not, this is what Expert level frame control looks like. Unlike keyboard warriors, who will say something along the lines "If I were him I would say X and it would be so much better because of Y". Well they are not him and to perform that well on the spot is a clear sign of master frame control, or as Scott Adams would say, A master Persuader.

Using this example as a baseline of what close to perfect frame control is let's break down things as analytically as possible.

There are multiple actors here. There is Trump, Megyn, and the audience.

Trump has his frame. Megyn (the Media) has her frame, and the audience is sort an indicator of who's frame is stronger.

Trump's initial frame is well established from his long history in the public spotlight and his actions at the beginning of the election cycle. The same can be said about Megyn.

To bring this back to you as the reader, you can imagine that a part of your frame is your physical appearance (limp wristed pussy, Tatted scary thug, CEO in a suit, sloppy overweight mess), and your prior actions that the other party has seen. They could think of you as initially kind, mean, strong, depends on the situation.

Now the next part to analyze is the message itself. Megyn's message is that Trump is bad for women and Hillary will capitalize on that. It's obviously a lot more than that, but that's the underlying assumption.

That was an expertly crafted question that would have ended 99% of people. Answering yes is apparent suicide, and denying is not really possible given the extensive evidence.

This is parallel to some situations you may have faced. You have some bold accusation against you (that is pretty much true), and denying is not really an option since the evidence is clear. This has happened to me in college when I was clearly caught cheating on a gf. I was pretty screwed, but if I had expert frame control I probably would have been OK. Let's break down how Trump maneuvers around this.

First and foremost notice how Trump didn't go into any form of panic when he heard the question. The most important thing is to remain calm and keep a level head, which he did. Following that Trump used a visual anchor (Rosy O Donnel) combined with humor to simultaneously distract the audience and deflate the strength of the message simultaneously. Now all the energy of the message has been fully redirected and we can see that now Trump is in control. It doesn't end there though. Notice how he noncommittally agrees with the fact he has talked about women in that manner, further deflating her energy, and removing the possibility of hammering that point across. He then answers another question and by the time he does that, the audience is on his side.

To bring this back to you, you can see some of the techniques that were used and how they can be applied to you. First and foremost in all of this is staying cool and keeping a level head. If your wife/gf/whatever is screaming at you, you enter her frame if you start screaming back. She's emotionally prodding you enter her frame of mind, and the most important thing AGAIN is to remain cool calm and professional. You're the Man with the Dad Dick and nothing gets you worked up. She screams, you whisper. You also have the option of just leaving, but sometimes you don't. You can use humor to diffuse, you can noncommittally agree to suck the wind out of her argument, or you can use a distracting visual anchor as Trump did to again do one of the other two.

For example, if your husband/wife/gf/blah started screaming "You never spend any time with me", that's an obvious bait. Don't fall for it. Stay calm. Without yelling you can say "I can see how feeling that way makes you feel upset". Notice the words feel. It is an emotional word. There's no logic behind it. You're not agreeing with their statement that you never spend time with them, but they feel as if you listened and you sapped a lot of their energy away.

To summarize some of the above, you can imagine frame as the sum of all these individual parts. Frame= your physical appearance + your past actions + your demeanor/body language + your verbal judo (communication skills). The best way to improve your frame would be to work on the weakest component in that chain. You can't work on past actions seen by others, (Aka she knew you as a loser/beta and even though you're cool now it doesn't matter), but you can work on your physical appearance if it sucks. You can work on better controlling your emotions and body language (meditation, books, classes, or whatever you want). You can also work on your communication skills (Dale Carnegie courses, Verbal Judo course, business classes on negotiation, or whatever you want).

Conclusion

Like everything, this isn't all inclusive, but it is a start and it is completely actionable. If you don't know how to work on your frame, well now you do. No more excuses meow.