Intro Two and a half years removed from the day , my beta bitchness reached its lowest level. Was crying like a bitch when I found out my wife was cheating. Hell, my gut even felt it for two months before I confronted her about it. Now, single at 38, new homeowner making my house into an artist studio/creative playground and having access to young 22-25 year olds (I've yet to crack 21..), the one constant struggle I have is leaving the happily ever fantasy behind and being conscious that my idealistic view of the world has been and always will be my ideal. In other words, a fantasy. Yes, we would all like a nice girl who is attentive and has the same goal of success in happiness, but that does not exist. That's not to say love isn't real, it's just that what we want, and what the world cultivates are two different things.

Body

Ok, let me show you how beta I was, and how much of a chump I am. I dated a girl for three years who didn't have a greencard (RED FLAG). Hell, at first I didn't mind because we were FWB. I even told her I loved her before she loved me (STUPID), and finally got serious and I figured three years is enough time to know someone and she is nice, so why not. More red flags: no dad in her life, disgruntled single mom with hardened and disrespectful view towards men. (But LOVE, right??)

Then, she began texting her ex (See a pattern of my beta-ness?) and I broke it off but I was convinced we were made for each other because all we had gone through and all the happy memories we made for each other. (I obviously could have used the TRP sidebar here) we get together and live the life I knew we deserved. Somehow we were able to overcome and be together.

So...we finally get hitched, we elope in Vegas, and then I was like, oh shit, now I need a job. Thanks to the GI Bill I went back to school while she got a job as a clerk, good pay given her lack of anything. A year and a half later, I get my credential and now I have a great job with benefits and time off.

Everything is good, we share a car, so I decide to get her one, no money down and to her credit she pays the payments. Fast forward two years later, I'm ending my probabtion period and am going to night classes a few times a month for the probationary period.

I am stressed as I am the majority breadwinner, but am sucking it up because I am the man and should be proud to be able to support my family. While I am in my classes she starts going out because she's bored, let me spare you more reading. She started to see her friends brother at this time.

I was projecting a perfect world where hey I'm not home and I don't want to control her, so yes honey,spend time with your friend or help your friend house sit while I am at school, or busy after school with homework. She not only took advantage of my kindness/betaness, she began to pursue another man and was making me to be this horrible husband who was controlling and demanding for high expectations of a wife. She was doing the bare minimum at home (because a beta bitch doesn't demand much) , keeping it clean, giving me sex, blowjobs when she wanted to go out with the "girls", and call me to let me know she was spending the night at her aunt's, which I believed because I knew her family. All while I had this projected reality that everything will be better once I was done with my probation period. I projected onto her that she was suffering because of my time away even though I devoted my weekends and vacations to her. Yes, I also paid for her vacations .

Ok, so I find out about her cheating, she moves out to her aunt's the next day, so at least I did something right once I found out, but...i was still in contact with her and even went to couples therapy (it's nothing but hamstering 101 in the favor of the woman) I really loved her and still love her, but what I am in love with is the reality I was projecting onto her. I was loving that she was my wife and future mother of our children. I was loving that she cooked and clean and did everything right. But that idealism we project onto a woman in a blue pill world blinds us from the fact that she is just another human being, and if a human being is shitty, we should act accordingly like we would if we weren't being blinded.

Looking back at all we went through, I realized I did all the work, and she just hitched along for the ride. I was the hard working one, so we both reaped the benefits of my hard work.

Ok, now to deprogramming.

I never really considered myself to be super good looking or attractive but I had super stupid success stories that I would have originally attributed to my blue pill "I'm a nice guy to hang out with"

Well, I am a nice guy but that means jack shit. I am also a fun guy, but I forget that sometimes because the last thing I want to do is choke a bitch when I'm fucking her doggystyle, but that's what I have to do from now on.

Example 1: about a year and a half ago. so, I am back on the market, still seeing my ex trying to "work things out" but now girls are into me and we're not married so one day, one of my ex's friends messages me to ask a silly question. I mention I live at the beach now and leave it at that. Four days later, I am partying at my place with some friends. I invite her over and she gets dropped off. They leave quickly and I make a move (good on my part) now, I am a nice guy, and am thinking is this moving to fast , girls shouldn't fuck on the first day. Don't worry, my beta thinking didn't stop me from having sex. What it did stop me from was giving her the sex she wanted. She showed me and man, I was nervous. She wanted slapping, choking and I did it but wasn't into it. We fucked a few more times that night and morning, and had to kick her out. She came back a few times to my place and my nice guy attitude eventually drove her away.

Example 2: last week. I know this girl. Bitch has a boyfriend. I know him but she tells me they are done (Lie.)

I was driving home to clean up my old apartment at the beach. She pulls up next to me and says "hey, we are drinking, come join us!" I was like I can't, and she was adamant I go so Ok.

We end up having a few beers at the harbor then say let's go to my place so I can finish cleaning and we can drink there. So her two other friends join us and she is into me,telling her friends how much she hates my ex wife even though she doesn't know her and saying I'm great and hard working (she knew me when I was living in a shit hole after my divorce so she's seen progress from afar)

So we go to the bitch and gets in her underwear and having fun at my place. I then invite them to my new place, and she and her friends join us and invites another girl to hang out cu why not. I then knew I was going to fuck her that night and she made it clear. My beta inside tried to make it stop because I knew her boyfriend and she called me a pussy for not wanting to go further. (Shit test)

I then told her "I'm going to give you a spanking" and with that pulled her pants down and spanked her hard. She wanted to fuck already, I was teasing her, spanking pulling her hair and calling her a horny bitch. I was in disbelief of doing that to someone I didn't know as intimately as my ex-wife. Hell, my ex-wife liked a lot of things but not hair pulling, or maybe she just didn't let me pull her hair, but here I was with a 98lb 22 year old loving it, and me having to tell myself that's it's ok and not degrading. I then put it in her and after a few minutes said let's get more beer. Cuz I didn't want the party to stop. And those moves my ex-wife's friend taught me were like second nature now. I still felt kinda bad choking her. I'm still in disbelief thinking about it.

Needless to say, she couldn't wait to get more after that day and she did and her boyfriend found out. Luckily I saved the texts of where she explicitly said they were not together. Unfortunately he also saw the text on her phone where she said she couldn't wait for me to cum on her face again. She's now on lock down, so I guess I won't be getting anal from her for being good to her.

If I had projected my ideal vision of a woman onto this girl, I would not have gotten crazy sex from her, and I almost ruined it.

Conclusion

Just because you have a perfect world in your head of how a relationship works, be careful that you are not projecting and give those attributes to a woman.

Also, coming out of the blue pill world and into the red pill, deprogramming is an everyday exercise of disbelief of what girls will let you do.