I tried seeing a therapist twice: once, they said they could see nothing wrong with me. Second, they said I had social anxiety. Thing is, when I’m in the mood, which is rare, I can easily talk to anyone. Really, what is it is that I want to learn to be successful in life. From my view, the world is money and it honestly makes me feel nihilistic.

I know it’s a bit to do with my personal outlook. How can I explain it. It’s like wanting to talk to your classmates, you talk to them frequently but eventually get tired. Why? Because they don’t give you back the energy but instead give off that vibe of ‘entertain me, stupid’, you feel me? So, I’m not socially anxious per se. It’s more like ‘will I be wasting my time talking to x amount of people to receive y?’ Funny thing is, I got a new job where I’ll be talking a lot to people in a mental health oriented field. I know it’s gonna get boring but I want to use this job as a means of making money while I study on the side things for a career change.

In particular, I honestly don’t see the point. I’m not suicidal but I would not mind dying. Then again, death is traditionally represented as ‘change’. So, maybe something needs to die within me before I can take the step to change my career.

Philosophy and MGTOW content helps me a lot. So does a lot of MGTOW type of stand up from 10 or so years ago. Lol I know when it’s getting bad when even coffee is like “nope, you have to deal with your own shit without my help mofo”.

So yeah, any thoughts you folks could share would be much appreciated