Look - there's rarely been such a thing called as a "middle ground" with me. Black or white lifestyle, basically.

I can be very productive and disciplined for a moderate period, but the moment I visit an old video game or something I've been addicted to in the past, it all falls apart - instantly. I just can't stop, and I mean it - I start to consume endless amounts of instant dopamine content, jerking off, going to sleep at 6 am or sometimes not at all...yeah, zero self-control.

I know I get addicted easily, so I stray away from any drugs, alchohol etc, but the worst addictions of mine come from wasting my time.

I want to get to a point where I can easily switch between "important stuff" and "fun stuff", but after trying so many times, I feel like getting to that point is impossible. It's like being a heroin addict and trying to "moderate" your usage.

I'm thinking it might have to do with my beliefs. Quite frankly, I feel quite negative about the world right now. None of my "dreams" (mission) can ever be achievable, success feels so far away and even if you get there - you'll have practically no one to share it with. I won't deny it's still better, having been there before, but... It's not that much better, atleast in the current climate.

Help me see the way, cause I'm way off right now. Any advice greatly appreciated.