My ex boyfriend came inside me on multiple occasions even after me trying to harshly warn him about not doing it. This also happened even before we were in a relationship and were just dating. At one occasion I was too drunk to notice that it happened and I obviously didn't find out until I woke up next day and he handed me the morning after pill. I had completely forgotten about this memory until one day while causally talking to him he told me how it has happened multiple times and that he thought I was "okay with it". Even after a proper conversation where I laid it out explicitly that I'm against it and this shouldn't never happen again, it happened twice. It wasn't after one long period of me missing my period for so long that I had to see a geynae he started taking more precautions (it was supposedly a side effect since my periods eventually came a bit late).

I am still confused if this counts as rape or not and actually haven't shared it with anyone. But it disturbs me a lot to think about it now everytime I try to move on after breaking up. To some extent my brain is still wired to see the "good parts " in order to heal and let it go. It is too hard at the same time and I want to know if I should hold him accountable or not? I felt like ranting because I have kept this to myself for long now. For a long time it led me to believe it is something normal as I seeked help from my female friends and realized how normalized it is for women. Men actually don't give a shit and feel entitled to violate and control you when you give them a pass, thinking that you are too dumb to understand what is happening.

Edit: Every time it happened we would both be intoxicated in most cases. Nevertheless, this is never the excuse because men are by all means capable of knowing when they are going to ejaculate!