Any sort of relationship is a give and take. We already know if a LVM is taking too much in a romantic relationship or he is waving a grand, ole, high flying, red flag, then you must leave. He’s shit. But I think we all forget sometimes that a lot of these strategies apply to friendships, too.

I have become friends with two guys from class. One is a HVM. He’s very kind, charismatic, funny, and just all around considerate. He made time to hang out with me and his other friends. He’s consistent with texting. He listens to me when I try to help with school or when I need to complain as I do for him. I like being around him as he seems to brighten everyone up. His girlfriend absolutely adores him and so do his friends. If anything, he’s spinning a big, green flag. Ofc it’s going to take me time to be 100% trusting of him, nonetheless he’s proving himself.

My other friend is so far riding a red flag up a pole. I’m getting to the point of losing even toleration. He went from drawing on my papers to be funny. Whenever he did this outrageous, touchy feely action (like poking me with a pencil or whispering in my ear that the teacher is so so boring), I consensually, friendly reciprocated. Now, he vaguely acknowledges me until he needs something. Does he think I have a crush on him? Sure he’s cute, but I’m cuter. He leaves me on read smack dab middle of conversations. I was having internal problems with continuing to try and start new conversations. Until I thought, “wait. Why am I wasting my time trying to open some dude up that doesn’t make time for me?” When I made this realization (and I’m working on actively using my advice; im doing good), he suddenly has emotional shit go down. It does make me feel upset because I’m an empath with hella mental health issues. He comes around when he has these things wracking his head and I’m feeling the need to ignore my own mental health- my own life to make sure someone else is okay. And this person won’t do the same.

So what I’m getting at is that the things we learn on FDS definitely can apply to friends. The things we learn about with communication, compatibility, emotions, and self love are still important with friendships. It’s just on a less personable level. You can’t just put your cards and emotion into one man that doesn’t give a shit, regardless of status. Don’t make time for someone that will not make time for you. And also, if this dude is conjuring up some bullshit fantasies that you have some crush on him so he can fuel his ego, bye bye brother. He’s got no place if he’s more focused on making sure everyone wants to get in his pants rather than understand that friendship can exist between different genders.