Hi ladies! I’m a long time lurker on Reddit generally, but I could really do with some advice - I’ve asked friends, male and female, about this but would really value FDS input as I think you guys are amazing and refreshing! :D Sorry in advance, this might be quite long!

Background: I’m a 21 year old woman from the UK trying to move past my pickmeisha identity. I was in a relationship for 2 years from 16-18 years old, I gave everything to him (young and naive) and it was an unhealthy relationship. He was a LVM, through and through and I pitied him. We broke up because I felt he didn’t make the time for me, I’d just moved to university where everything was new and exciting, and I wanted a change. Over the past 3 years of being single, I have been a pickmeisha due to desperate loneliness, I have allowed LVM in sight to fuck and chuck me, have become very emotionally and psychologically broken because of this and due to past trauma from my childhood. With a lot of therapy and medications and the like, things have got better and I started to recognise my worth. This sub helped me a LOT and helped me to realise I needed to work on myself and being confident in myself, recognising that I deserve more.

Fast forward to November, I began dating a (suspected) HVM - we have been seeing each other two months and I like him, it’s been lovely. He has been completely different to other men in my life. We met online, and I let him ask me out - we went for dinner in our city, he held the doors open and dressed very smartly. He has a good job and a clean lifestyle. It was me who initiated our physical contact and kissing, he never tried anything with me out of respect for my boundaries, and he never brought up sex into casual conversation which was very different for me! I’m not used to actual dates, it’s been sweet. I’ve made it clear I’m into him.

Over Christmas, he went home for 3 weeks to spend time with family. I prepared myself that the ghosting may come now, as he’s away - he doesn’t, we keep texting and arrange to meet when he comes back. I was worried about him leaving, and my counsellor said that he’s had the chance to do that, but he didn’t go away.

A couple of weeks ago, we went back to mine after dinner out. We were joking around, cannot remember the full context of the conversation, but I remember saying: ‘you don’t strike me as a fuckboy’, he replied ‘I hope I’m not’, - saw it as my chance to get some feelers out and said: ‘If you’re not a fuckboy, what are we? What is this?’. He looks quite taken aback and says ‘I don’t know’. I change the subject out of embarrassment.

Last week, I went to his flat and we spent the night together. In the morning, he made me breakfast, we went for a walk in the woods and we were talking and holding hands, going great. We get back to his and there’s an awkwardness. I initiated sex and he declined (we have already done it) - I tried again an hour later, still not feeling it. He was saying about feeling very tired and we were sat together but doing our own thing - he was scrolling Reddit while I was reading. I’m going out to a party that evening, so the time comes for me to get dressed before leaving his. He compliments my dress, I ask him to show me his photos (he’s into photography) so we talk about that for a bit, and it’s time for me to go. Over the past 3 dates, I’ve been arranging with him when to meet and what we should do, I’ve initiated this. I asked him again that day, and he said ‘I don’t know when I’m free yet, we can sort something next week’.

During this past week, I decide I’m going to let him initiate the next time we can hang out - radio silence on this. He texts once a day, he’s always done this in the time I’ve known him - it’s general chit chat this past week, he types a lot and he asks me about my day, but nothing about when we can next have a date. I have to make a conscious effort to step back and stop myself from taking the initiative, again. The time it takes him to text back during the day, this single text, is getting longer, and I’m panicking. I like him a lot but don’t want to be a pickmeisha; we don’t have a label of what we are, and I don’t like that uncertainty; he talks a lot about interests, but not about his feelings - I don’t really know how he feels about this, I can only pick up from his behaviour.

So, I don’t know what my next step is and I want to know what a high value woman would do. I’ve asked friends, who have various interpretations - ‘he’s probably really busy with work’, ‘he’s probably more relaxed around you now so doesn’t worry about keeping a structure’, ‘he might be trying to convince himself he’s not gay’, ‘he might want space’ and ‘give it another week and then ask about a date’. I’ve never had this experience of adult dating before, so I’m at a loss. I want to do what’s best for me, but there’s a part of me that wants to keep this going because I like this experience. I’m trying to let it be and not get too into this, but I’m struggling to do that because I question what’s going on all the time.

What is going on? What should I do? How do I get a clearer picture without getting even more desperate than I already am?

Thanks for reading xx

TL;DR - after a shit relationship history, I start dating a possible HVM who gives me no clue what he’s feeling/what he wants and I don’t know how to handle it.