I'm 17 years old and I notice that compared to my younger self, I've lost a lot of my identity on who I am. I grew up in poverty and still do, and this is one way that my sense of adventure has collapsed because either I couldn't afford to do such or I couldn't spare the time to do so because, as the case now, I have to work to earn money in the house.

Additionally, growing up with a single-mother household you can imagine how much I've been sheltered and coddled, this meant that I developed a lack of social skills which means that any interactions I do have aren't fulfilling to either me or the other person.

Finally, my abused past has essentially sucked the vision I had, because as mentioned before I found my goals crushed so I have come to this point where I see that not having a goal is better because at least I won't get hyped up and it'll die out. Multiple times I would prepare for something, and it would be crushed on the day, if we're going to use a sprint race for example, it's not that I'll be 2nd place or 3rd, when I say crushed I mean not being able to even participate in the race due to whatever circumstances.

It's important because everyone around me has these goals about what they want to do in Uni, what they want to do work in, and I see that in contrast, I'm here not able to focus on education because to put it directly, the fact that a piece of paper will allow me to get my foot into doing, what at least I'm aiming for, a degree apprenticeship does not seem to motivate me enough anymore.

I basically have nothing to hold on to, and it's like "What's the point?" And that isn't to say that I'm just some guy getting swayed by the wind, it's just that I have no idea what is realistic anymore, I don't know what I'm allowed to want at this point, and we all are uncertain about what the future will bring us, but I find that I use it as an excuse to not do anything, I actually cannot comprehend the postive effects if I work hard and study, because I find whatever fantasies I did have, and no matter how realistic I thought they were, I learnt that they just simply weren't and alternatives didn't come from it either, I just went back to square 1.