I think I'm still in the shock phase. No ammount of abundance could save me from the things my oneitis said to me.

I started asking her about sexual things. I told my feelings to her 4 months ago.

This is how it starts. I just wanted to hear what i felt was true. I wanted to go through the pain ( Maybe torturing myself was not the good idea ) so I could redpill myself the hard way.

A guy came to visit her when we were leaving school and carried her bag ( I thought to myself, damn what a beta) I asked her is that your boyfriend?

She knows I had/have feelings for her and she said Yes in a shittytest manner. I said to her "And you told me she was your friend, did you thought I was gonna get jealous". "Yes"

Convo progressed and now she tells me she is actually talking to two guys. "Theyre best friend" she tells me "and they live really close" Shes actually excited to tell me all of this. Shes not embarrassed, shes excited.

I reminded myself of an EC comment here days ago. "Remember when you had deep connection convo with that girl? For sure the other dude was having deep connections with her"

She tells me when shes done with one she goes to the other's house. They know whats up. I didnt, 4months ago.

Have you tried threesomes with both of them? I ask her. She said no, I dont like to share. " But they are sharing you" I said to her. She laughs

Do I carry myself like a slut she asks. I said yes, what about me?. She says that I look like a guy whos looking for one girl, for the best girl for myself ( damn Girl I thought you were the one!)

She was getting railed with 2+ guys for more than a year. They pass her around.

I asked her all of the things I wanted to know. Is it necessary to inflict myself with pain just to learn? Isnt this too synthetic?

At this point I just want to approach 100 girl and get as many plates as I can but I know Im not thinking correctly.

What should I do trp? Is there a way to easily forget things?

I just want to sleep for a long time and i dont think a monk mode will fit me