Introduction

There are a lot of posts about self-confidence and how to boost it. While most posts go in the right direction and advise things that will work, no post I've seen so far actually explains the science behind self-confidence.

Body

Animals

Animals have some pretty simple ways of defining their rank orders. Most animals that live in herds basically define their rank orders by fighting against each other. When an animal loses a fight, something interesting happens; its serotonin levels decrease massively. Because of this, most animals will begin to literally hunch over, making themselves as small as possible, so others won't attack it again. With each fight an animal loses, the probability of it fighting another animal sinks.

If you give a defeated animal some anti-depressants (which basically increase the serotonin in its system), it will go right back and fight the other animal again with more confidence. It will also change its body posture to go more upright.

With those fights, animals find out pretty fast where in the rank order they are placed. The lower in the order an animal is, the more nervous it is. It is more anxious, it will turn down fights, it walks with a more defensive posture, it doesn't even try to attract the ladies, it will literally become depressed. The animal knows, that stronger animals could fight them at any time, and would also definitely win.

Animals that are higher up in the rank order feel secure. They know that they will win fights, so they know they can defend their home, their stuff and their status. The ladies see status they have, and will choose to pair with them. So the alphas don't even need to try to attract the females. They feel self-confident. Literally.

Humans

You will already have realized some parallels between animals and us humans. The problem with the comparison is this; men don't fight each other anymore for their stuff and for their ranks. That's why we have developed a pretty smart system in our brains, that constantly scans how other people treat us, and then decides where in the rank order we currently are. If other people treat you nicely, respect your words, ask for your opinion, don't insult you etc., your brain will begin to think "my rank must be pretty high here". If other people walk over you and generally don't care about your existence, you will think, that you're low in the rank order (because you are).

This becomes a downward/upward spiral. When you're high up, you will (unconsciously) walk more upright, be braver, more assertive... Because you feel strong. The primitive part of your brain knows, that if someone were to fight you, you would defeat them. This in turn means, that other people will treat you even better, women will love you, you will not have to do anything for female attention, thus rising your status even more. You will more likely be able to withstand temptations like drugs and other short term gratifications, because you feel safe, you will plan for your future, because you can afford to.

When you're low in status, the opposite happens. You will walk more and more hunched over, trying to seem small. You will be afraid of social interactions, because your brain tells you, that other people could attack you at any time, and they would also win. You will not speak up for yourself, you will live more and more in the now, because maybe you will be dead tomorrow, because someone very strong decided to fight you. You will be more susceptible to instant gratification, making everything even worse.

When you're on the lower end, you won't get attacked currently by other men, because we have evolved as a species. But the primitive part of your brain will still expect it all the time. This is a very stressful situation.

Now what could a low-status men do? Well obviously you need to raise your perceived status. And that's where the other posts get many things right. If you go to the gym to get ripped and start walking more upright, other people will treat you with more respect. This means, that your brain will tell you "hey look, they treat you nicer, this means you're raising your status".

What will also help? Stability. Remember, an animal low in the rank order will live in a constant state of fear and uncertainty. It's very unstable, because not even his pathetic, status-less life is save. Nowadays you won't get attacked, and you won't lose all of your belongings when you're on the low end. This means this fear is irrational (more or less). If you build yourself some stability in your life, you will inevitably feel higher in the rank order. What kind of stability? Any. Literally any. Get in the habit of getting up on the first alarm in the morning. Make your bed directly after getting up. Do this every morning. You WILL begin to feel more stable. Develop micro-routines. Get up at the same time, go to bed at the same time, eat more or less at the same time, choose a day a week to clean your room/apartment, track your macros, brush your teeth 3 times a day... Anything. Those are all things you can start doing TODAY. You don't need anything you don't already have.

These things may seem mundane, not-that-important, boring. But they are incredibly important and powerful.

Grow your status. Trick your brain into being more self-confident. Become an alpha animal.

Lessons learned

  • Serotonin regulates your self perceived status. And vice-versa
  • Betas are unstable, alphas are stable
  • Self-confidence = stability
  • Regular micro-routines are incredibly powerful