I misspelled the title... classic.

I’ve been approaching a lot recently and reconnecting my social circle. I realized how much progress I have made in terms of social skills and I decided to share what I’ve learned in this guide as I’ve been at this for about two years now.

To start, I will say that being extroverted is about being more focused on others and the moment than yourself. If you can train yourself to do this you can interact with people with no effort and actually enjoy it. This is not to say ignore your values, needs, and desires, but to stop focusing on every action you make.

Growing up, I was always introverted. Despite this, I still had one of the largest social circles and a lot of acquaintances.

In this guide I will tell you how you can get a larger social circle as well as how can become more extroverted.

As I said, I was introverted, so I never spoke a lot, but, I always was listening. I could genuinely connect with people and could always chime in with a witty or insightful comment.

First Lesson: Learn the skill of active listening

Listen to people and respond accordingly and you will easily make friends. Realize that other people are just like you, very complicated and interesting. Develop a genuine interest in people and it will be a lot easier to connect with them. To sum it up. Be interested to be interesting.

Some tips:

Learn to be present in the moment through meditation.

Once you learn how to actively listen and be interested in what people have to say, you can turn it up a level by paying attention to their body language. I’m naturally good at this, so when I started to focus on it, it came easily. For others, it might not be so easy. That being said, body language is the majority of communication so you must learn to use it and read it.

Second lesson: Learn to tune in to people’s body language

In order to do this you need to learn to make eye contact. If you are not good with eye contact, start by looking at everyone you walk by and holding eye contact till they break it. Then start holding eye contact occasionally in conversation. Over time you will get a feel for what it is and how to use it.

Otherwise always be paying attention to their body, posture, tone of voice, etc.

I’ve heard good things about the book “What every body is saying”. I haven’t read it myself, but I might give it a look.

Now that you’re able to pay attention to other people, by listening and watching, you need to learn how to converse with them.

Third lesson: Learn how to have good conversations

You can start by asking questions about the other person. Good topics are FORD topics. Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams (something like that). These topics are good for getting to know people (especially if you’re genuinely interested in them).

You can talk about things that interest you or that you know about when they’re related to the topic of conversation or are brought up.

You can tell stories and jokes when they come to mind.

Important things to remember with conversation:

If they’re talking to you, they don’t dislike you. If you like them, they probably like you. Get out of your head and enjoy the moment and enjoy connecting with another person

You do not need to impress people with your conversation skills. This goes back to the last one. You don’t need to try to get the other person to like you or be impressed with you. Just have fun.

It’s a conversation. It is cooperative by nature. Become comfortable with silence, it is not always your job to fill it. Let the other person chime in with a comment or question.

Okay, so now I’ve told you the skills you are looking to develop and some mindsets to have while developing them. How then, do you actually develop the skills? You practice by talking to people.

First practical step: Meet people and talk to them

You need to meet and talk to people. You need to talk to people in your classes, you need to go to the gym and talk to people there, you need to talk to people at lunch. You need to talk to people everywhere. In line at a coffee shop, at the bus stop, on the train, literally everywhere.

By doing this you will become accustomed to being around people and you will get good at talking to people, especially when you implement the stuff above.

I would say that the biggest thing that hindered my social skills was anxiety. By talking to people you will learn to face that anxiety making you a stronger person and improving your social skills.

Naturally, you will not be forming meaningful relationships with these people. So now you need to meet quality people that you can spend time with regularly.

Second practical step: Join clubs and groups

You definitely have some interests. Chess, books, law, wrestling, whatever. Find a club for it and join it. Here you will find people with similar interests that you will meet with regularly. Now you’re part of a social circle.

If you’re in college look at fraternities as well. Don’t have a negative impression of them just due to stereotypes. Look for one with like minded people.

The bottom line is: you need to join some organized social group.

Sports teams are also great. In my opinion there is nothing that bonds men better than training and competing with each other.

In order to form relationships you need to spend time with other people. It doesn’t matter what you do. Eat lunch, go for a walk, whatever, as long as you are spending time together.

Conclusion:

By constantly talking to people and improving your social skills, by tuning in to people’s physical and verbal communication, by becoming genuinely interested in people, and by becoming fun to talk to and thus more confident, you will ultimately become more extroverted.

It is about talking to everyone and forming and maintaining quality relationships. Be focused on others, not yourself.

Some tips:

You will get rejected. Some people won’t like you, won’t want to talk to you, won’t give you the time of day. Good. Now you know. You won’t care about it tomorrow, so don’t care about it now.

Become more assertive. Say no to things you don’t want to do. Be in tune with your own desires and needs and get them met.

And, it wouldn’t be a trp post if I didn’t tell you to lift. In all seriousness, lifting will make people more receptive you. It will make more people attracted to you on a physical level, and you will generally command a larger presence.

Final note:

This is not a guide on flirting. I have recently developed good social skills and now I will move on to learning how to flirt properly. Maybe when I learn that I will share what I’ve learned as well.

Hope this helps.

I would appreciate any constructive criticism on the writing.