Many people (betas) think it's "unrealistic" to expect a celebrity to sleep with you. However, with a few simple tips and preparation, this couldn't be easier. Just last night, I had loud, passionate sex with Scarlett Johansson, Kim Kardashian, and Emma Watson -- all at once! And you can too.

Preparation

You'll need several supplies before you begin.

  • Lock pick (for entering restricted areas)
  • Plastic surgery do-it-yourself kit
  • Fake security badge
  • Gun

Selecting a Target

So you've entered the VIP section at a sporting event, or broken into a dressing room at Hollywood. What now? The first step is to find a celebrity with very little mobility -- that is, once you engage them in conversation, it's very difficult for them to escape. The ideal target is one who is a) in a wheelchair or b) blind. It might so happen that there is no one nearby who is clearly handicapped. (That's what the gun is for.)

Putting on the Charm

Many people (betas) assume that women want what is commonly referred to as a "decent person." However, the truth is that women want a dominant, controlling man who hits them when they misbehave. So when I say "charm," I mean psychological manipulation tactics used to garner women's attraction (being a jerk).

I'm the most confident, smooth-talking alpha male there is. That's what all my remaining friends say. How do I do it? Betas will use a strategy known as "honesty." But we'll use a far more effective strategy known as the "insult" method. Whenever a woman tries to test you, ask you a question, or talks to you, you'll say the most insulting thing that comes to mind. I recommend having a few beers beforehand, as this will help bypass your internal editor and allow you to come up with more insulting (albeit nonsensical) responses.

For example, if a woman says to you, "Hey! Stop touching me," or "How did you find my address? This is private property," don't respond honestly, as a beta would. ("I stole your wallet.") Instead, respond with an insult. ("You're ugly.")

Come to think of it, "You're ugly," pretty much works with everything, although with Scarlett Johansson, it also took insulting her intelligence and weight.

Final Step

However, there's one final step on which everything depends. Don't even consider trying the first few steps on their own. Without this final step, the entire plan collapses, and you wouldn't be able to seduce your own...

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