Hi RPW, my ex and I got back together last winter. I love him so much, but I need your advice. During the first “leg” of our relationship, he was polyamorous and living with a woman who I was friends with before and still am friends with. During that, I realized I was monogamous but was fine having her around as she was very supportive, robotically logical while still warm and emotionally validating. She ended up breaking up with him because he was defensive and unable to discuss even minor issues in their relationship.

I ended up breaking up with him for similar reasons. He fell madly in love with me but eventually pocketed me and gave me zero effort after I insisted we communicate.

Anyway, I met a family friend at a wedding and dated him LTR for a year, but he was emotionally labile and had issues with drugs. He also had an entitled and arrogant attitude at times. I missed the calm, the good values, and the trustworthiness of my ex after I broke up with Family Friend, and ex and I reconnected.

We had a very intentional discussion: he missed me every day we were apart, he wanted to try again, he wanted to be monogamous, etc. So we gave it a go. Things were going great, then in January he responded inappropriately to an ex hookup texting him (sent a selfie, mentioned me though, but kept humoring her and didn’t shut it down as she reminisced in their previous sex). I absolutely freaked out and almost ended the relationship.

Enter Couples Counseling. We have a fantastic therapist and have made great progress in communication and trust. There have been stretches of time that were perfect/inspiring, and some weeks where frustrating issues continue to arise. I want someone who has my back, is expressive, but steely enough to tell me exactly where he stands. This bf is taciturn and often hides his opinions because he’s worried I’ll be hurt or disagree. Honestly hiding his opinions hurts more than just talking through a disagreement and it undermines my trust in what he says to me. I just want the full picture. The Family Friend was all over the place emotionally, crying and fussy and insecure but he laid his cards entirely on the table. I really liked that aspect of it.

Also, our sex life went from 5-9x/week to 3, down to 1(?). I am always game and very submissive in bed. I know quarantine is not sexy but his drive has been so low... also no oral anymore and he finishes within 5 minutes now. I’m still in shape and attractive.

Last night we checked in and he said he’s not sure about us. He loves me a ton and wants to be with me but wonders if we are incompatible and thinks it’s still too difficult. I have a traumatic past and lost both parents and this is triggering my issues though I understand where he is coming from. I’ve had doubts as well, wondering if I need someone more expressive/assertive, but in my gut I love him and we balance each other.

Half of me wants to get my shit in order and stop causing any arguments or taking anything personally, but half of me wonders if I should exit now before I get hurt, go into nun mode and come out a year later. I’m 31, with a good career but really want to be a SAHM at least while kids are small. Never had trouble getting a boyfriend but seem to have trouble finding the right partner for getting to marriage.

What should I do?