Hi all, posting for dating advice as I start to get back out there. I’ve been soaking up time by myself since my breakup 1.5 months ago but was asked out by someone and went ahead and accepted.

So, on paper he’s got all his stuff together. From a close immigrant family and has an amazing job at a top company, PhD from Ivy league, writes a productivity blog, wrote a book and is looking to publish, gives conference talks. Works out, owns several rental properties, clean & tidy, paid off his moms mortgage when his dad died. Seems ethical, not judgy but also not into drugs/partying (no burning man!). Enjoys similar movies, music, podcasts. Same political and religious values. 5 years older than me.

He’s been the most high effort guy I’ve ever been pursued by and I’m stressing a little, because I have been sucked in by men before who apparently fell fast and hard for me and seemed good on paper, but who admittedly had clear indicators they were low value and/or low effort. These partners eventually revealed an insecure attachment style (FA usually) or some weird flaw making them unsuitable for long term commitment - but after I was attached.

With this guy, he doesn’t exactly blow up my phone, but send very long, thoughtful messages divided between sharing his thoughts/life and asking about mine. We had a video chat before our first date, which was a private comedy event (I said I love comedy), followed by him getting us a lyft to a tiki bar in my neighborhood. The next morning after the (great) date, he texted me that no rush, but I have everything he’s looking for in a life partner and he’s ready to be exclusive whenever I say the word. I replied that I’m flattered but will need to take things very slow as we don’t know each other yet. He was graceful and said then he looks forward to getting to know me.

Then, for the next date he wanted to get us dinner tickets to a cirque du soliel type show (he knows I like the arts and dancing), but I’m not free for the next couple of Fridays or saturdays which is when the shows happen. So he asked me if I had seen Hamilton, and I said no but I’m a history nerd, and he asked if he could get us tickets for Sunday. I said yes because WHAT and tbf he makes enough that those tickets won’t dent him, but I’m nervous.

Behavior was impeccable on the date, seemed really just nice and attentive if a little nervous. He would go into “presenter mode” where he would kind of look straight ahead but intermittently made good eye contact. His longest relationship was 1.5 years only, and he seems like he needs alone time to think/write/recharge. I’m suspicious he could have a FA or AA attachment style (I’m secure w slight AP lean) which I simply don’t want to deal with.

Do you guys think this is love bombing or just a high effort guy being clear on what he offers and wants? He has respected my schedule, need for space, and his compliments are here and there and don’t focus on my looks. Any experiences you all have sussing out attachment style early on?