Heyo girls, I am a newbie here and I am having a bit of a ranty realization, but I will try to keep this short.

Wow, just wow. I just realized that every single relationship (or situationship for that matter) I have been in was entered into solely because I didn't see myself as the high value woman that I am.

This stems largely from some self-esteem issues that I had inherited from that toxic culture I grew up in. I won't go into much of it now but I'll just say growing up all I saw around me as "model relationships" was these gorgeous, smart, educated women hanging onto some real losers like their lives depended on it.....yikes.

Anyway.

The few 'serious' relationships I have had were quite literally me settling in one way or another. I lowered my standards significantly, to the point where I resented these men for not meeting said standards, even though I clearly saw from the beginning they were not going to be met...oh well. It came down to lowering/omitting requirements like their financial stability, their looks (some were not fit or my type), ambition/drive, emotional support from them, how much effort they put in etc. Luckily, all of these relationships were ended and lessons were learned.

And don't even get me started on those unfulfilling pointless non-committal short-term affairs that I allowed to happen...that's too much to unpack in this post.

I am just appalled at the sheer realization that not single one of my exes had met all my standards...and probably only because every single time I lowered them, and for what? For another meaningless mediocre nonsensical doom of a "relationship"? Just to be able to say "I have a boyfriend"? Ew.

So my point is that every year after these disastrous mismatches in what I deserve and what I got instead - I've learned, and I've gotten better at setting and sticking to my standards. I am cutting off guys quicker, I am more careful about who I give my time on OLD sites, I never give energy to re-appearing ghosts or some foolishness like that and so on, but I've got a loooong way to go still. I am just glad to have found this sub to remind me to keep working on my self-love and never settle for less ever again!

P.S. So far the sub has been nothing but funny, insightful and quite relatable. Cheers!