Help with my Mission

evening fellas, i want to ask about a decision i’m planning to make these coming months, for reference i’m 19 and currently a university student for computer science. I’ve been around redpill long enough to have a fire lit under my ass, albeit living with my family who are not as driven and spend most of their time with hedonism (movies, social media, petty interests). As the saying goes you are only as good as those you surround yourself with. I have another house that i plan on moving into by myself, that’s where i believe i’ll truly blossom into the man i was meant to be.

I wanna take time off university for maybe a year and just fucking work on my health and intellect, i’m 230 lbs but mainly muscle fat, i’m tired of wasting time and i don’t think i can truly change unless i switch up my surroundings, i read, i lift(not as much as i want), and i want so bad to not fucking give up on my potential, and when i’m around people like that i have to cut it out. I work retail(12$/hr) and i don’t mind working those type of jobs for awhile, it gives me enough to pay the bills for my other house and i get to study and improve on my own time. I’ll return to finish my degree after that hiatus of sorts as it is would be retarded not to i’m a junior so it’s not like i’m starting fresh later.

I guess what i’m asking is perhaps some of you lads been through something similar and perhaps you found success in this type of endeavor? All i want to do is live alone and master myself and improve like fuck all, i’m afraid of letting life happen to me and i think this is a good path to combat that even though it’s stigmatized in modern society/rat race, what do you guys think about isolation and putting school on hold to develop yourself like this in this regard? Anyone been through it similarly?

[–]Leonardslemons1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]liloozy[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

imo good idea if you don’t know what to do

That’s the thing i know what to do i just want to specialize in it ya know? like i wanna get fucking good and i think isolation is a good for, you see many of the greats in history have had an experience like this, they would isolate and enter a trance of sorts and eventually become the best at it.

But it’s a catch 22, you have to manage it yourself

I think that’s why it’s powerful, i am forced to be responsible, i have to rely on myself and learn on my own, i want myself to be the only denominator to failure rather than say a contributing factor like a family member.

put time and care into where you live. make sure it’s clean and tidy

I’ve heard something like, your living space is the representation of your mind and state, i’m sure you’ve developed this radar being you lived by yourself, but i find that uncleanliness is unbearable especially when you are not the cause for it. As the great jordan peterson says: “clean your room”

[–]Leonardslemons2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]liloozy[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Leonardslemons0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I've lived alone for about 6 years. I recently just moved in with a few roommates. As far as independence and codependency goes, its all about balance. To an extent you have to be able to be an individual, but you also have to maintain and build relationships. Both in their extremes pose serious issues.

What I mean by willpower alone wont suffice is that, it largely depends on your mental state.

I'll give you a personal example. When I was living alone, for the most part I was able to socialize and get out of the house often enough for me to feel energized. However, it doesn't always work that way. Shit happens. Friends move, get girlfriends, and even deal with their own shit. Sometimes you lose that balance of codependency. Maybe for a little bit, maybe for awhile. The thing is, you keep on going. Gotta go to work, etc.

At the time I didnt really recognize how down I was feeling. I mean at work I felt great, and I was doing great things for my career. But at home, it was exhausting. I didnt want to go to the gym, I didnt want to cook dinner, I didnt want to clean up after myself. Sometimes I still did, sometimes I didnt. It felt normal. I didnt realize just how normal it got for me until I moved in with some roommates. God, for a time I didn't even care to much about meeting women. I would think alot about how incapable I was to even do the dishes or cook myself dinner. Which would only add the the exhaustion.

It sucks, and when you live alone, you don't have anyone who can pull you out of it, only you can and when your in that state, you won't want to. It sneaks up on you, slow enough that you don't recognize it.

So what id suggest for you, is that when you move out alone, make socializing and meeting new people a frequent thing. Make a point to invite people over often and make a point to decorate the place. Dont worry about mastering your independence, the time will come for that, trust me.

[–]liloozy[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

> its all about balance. To an extent you have to be able to be an individual, but you also have to maintain and build relationships. Both in their extremes pose serious issues.

I don't dissagree with you when you discusss socialization, humans are naturally social creatures, if you disrupt that, the mind will constrapulate warped illusions of reality, and the thread between dangerous thoughts are made quite thin (see incel commmunities). Relationship builiding is quite important, as someone who is proclivitive to independent activites i still need a deal of socialization so i may exercise my skills and in a sense satisify my biology, this makes me sound pschopathic but i get what you mean about balance bro and i agree, both extremes pose negative threats.

> What I mean by willpower alone wont suffice is that, it largely depends on your mental state

You imply depression, something i am no stranger to laddie boy, i was going to end my life in november 2019 and i have delved into the deepest crevices of the human mind, to the point of pure anguish and lonliness/monstrosity despite me being quite sociable and charasmatic to the average person. I feel the pendulum swinging though, i feel i am just passing what the redpill community coins the "anger stage" i have been in it for a few years now so i understand it quite well to an extent with experience albeit not for reasons related to females. NOW i want to attempt an isolation endeavor, and even though it may be dangerous i feel it is necessary for my development as a human, something quite predominant in todays society is the reliancy on corporation X, institution Y, hence you see many "emasculated males" & depression in society. I feel different this time around and so even though i recognize as you say it will get hard, i should not refuse this attempt as perhaps it will quell a few variables like my hedonistic family who do not recognize these aspects of life to it's fullest extent. You say it will be hard i agree but when has something worthwile been achieved in mankind without the difficulties that are connected to it. i draw parallels to ex-UFC champion conor mcgregor with his mentality:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ju28X3rRSM&t=27s

> Friends move, get girlfriends, and even deal with their own shit. Sometimes you lose that balance of codependency

Agreed, i have entertained the thought of how i will deal with socialization without university, i have a few good friends but i also take part in hobbies that will gain socialability (skateboarding, tennis, internet forums) but because of covid i am restricted to a few, so i may have to bear the storm of complete isolation or to some extent more isolation than usual but i feel confident i'll bear, humans are capable of amazing feats, and perhaps this will be a degree of that and i don't fear it in fact i have accepted isolation even when i am around family members and such. That's the funny thing about this community, i didn't get redpilled because of it, but you'll find correlations to "seeing the matrix" and that's pretty much where i am, at first i was scared (still am to an extent), but now i just accept and am ready to delve into something greater i see for myself. If you read up on literal monks like the buddhist types, isolation is something special, i intend of reaching a level of consiouness simiarily, i have reached them with drugs like DMT before so i will say though i am scared a little i am ready for drastic change.

> I would think alot about how incapable I was to even do the dishes or cook myself dinner. Which would only add the the exhaustion.

That seems like depression talking, i wonder perhaps you are quite sociable more than myself, combating that issue at it's core where does it stem from? perhaps it's our biological need to be social and that's why you gave up on everything just as i have in my past. The question now lies what can we do about it so that we not live in depression and anguish but learn to adapt to it, instead of sumbitting to our temporary desire of socialization? We of course need socialization but perhaps we need better ways to approach this isolation so that we prevent this onset depression, though the balance is shifted, we can combat that adversity with experience, but this is just what i think of course so i don't really know how it would play out.

> Make a point to invite people over often and make a point to decorate the place. Dont worry about mastering your independence, the time will come for that, trust me.

Indeed i was already thinking of what decorations should be added being there is not furnuture yet so i would like to ask you what did you learn to add to your home that made it more bearable? i am okay with a bed and my computer but im thinking taking responsiblity of a plant and a fish will help me psychologically. when i do have friends over i wonder what kind of things will make the place welcoming, perhaps a lampshade made of human skin?

[–]BluzzKill0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]liloozy[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]BluzzKill1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]liloozy[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

well you are right, i have met many that make exuses like what you’re saying and take breaks and do jack shit, your arguments implication is that i’m making an excuse to focus on stuff that doesn’t require my full energy. For me i see it as an opportunity to isolate myself and mold myself into a character i am not able to otherwise.

The reason i say take a break off of school is that my classes will be requiring my 100% attention now as they get more difficult. I’m 230 and 19 for fucks sake, my mental health needs working on and i am considering isolation from university as well as my living space, to drastically change that. I understand some people may see it as kinda far fetched to go that route, albeit if i learned anything from this community it is that i need something like this. thank you for pointing that out, if i may ask, have you ever done something similar? for me i guess i feel the pressure whereas YOU NEED TO KEEP GOING, you must go to college get a degree then get a 9-5 wageslaving hopefully till your 65 and retirement. Me stopping to work on myself seems only economic in the long run personally. I literally had a dream that caused me to cry in real life, in the dream i was hopeless, desolate and asking for help to god himself, i’m looking so desperately for meaning in my life and perhaps i may quell this behavior by drastically changing my outlook and self image, this is deep rooted feeling i feel must be confronted and hopefully something like this hiatus of sorts will possibly help that. I would appreciate more of your input, thank you for your time.

[–]BluzzKill0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Title	Help with my Mission
Author	liloozy
Upvotes	1
Comments	15
Date	August 10, 2020 1:55 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/i6vybo/help_with_my_mission/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-with-my-mission.723486 https://theredarchive.com/post/723486

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