From /r/relationship_advice

We've been married for 7 years and have two children, the marriage has been rather difficult in my opinion. She was pregnant with our first daughter soon after we got married and took her maternity leave early without any discussion. After the birth she decided to not go back to work, this wasn't a discussion but rather a statement from her and that was the end of it. 2 years later our son was born and she decided to become a SAHP, once again a statement and not a decision we made together.

I earn a good wage and there aren't many financial worries but it still cuts it close and there have been times I've had to ask my parents for help. I could do with her working but we're managing for now. Our son is now turning 4 and before this pandemic I wanted to have a conversation about her going back to work. Things like childcare wouldn't be an issue as my parents live very close by and absolutely adore their grandchildren.

However the main reason I want her to go back to work is that I'm tired of being berated. I don't spend enough time with the kids, I don't help out at home, I miss important events, we don't go out together enough etc. I'm worked to the bone because of my job because I don't want to lose the job as we only have one income. Any discussion about this is ignored and turned around so that I'm at fault.

The pandemic hit and I was working from home but still being worked to the bone. Last week over dinner she tells the kids that they're going to have a cousin soon. I assume her sister is pregnant and I'm glad as her and her husband have been trying for a very long time. Nope.

They needed a surrogate and my wife offered so they wouldn't have to pay extra fees, she is now 4 months pregnant. Didn't check with me, didn't think to at least tell me; she just went ahead and did it. I tried to keep my temper so as not to get into an argument in front of the kids.

I honestly don't know what to do. I've realised that I am worth nothing in this marriage, I considered a divorce but I don't want to do that to my kids as it would get very very messy. She'd most likely have to move in with her sister as the house is in my name and was purchased before we got married and I don't want to put the kids through that.

This past week I'm just been quietly fuming as I don't know what to do.

The sad thing is, he could have seen this coming.

Never marry. Never have kids. Kids will give the mother incredible power over you.