To be clear. I need help in terms of perspectives and questions that will help me assess the value of my relationship. I can give the basics but I really am looking to engage more than anything else. Also strap in lads, this is going to be a long one. And yes this is very real

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Myself physically:

looks : White , 28, 6ft , 86 kg (about 6 kilos over weight, but I have another 5 day fast next month).

lifts (incl bar): squat 80kg + , deadlift 95kg + , ohp 45kg, row 45kg+, bp 50kg+.

money: 113$ + a year.

Other: I am kinky as hell. Rope, hypnosis, impact play, breath play, etc. aka Kinky as hell

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context. (excuse the lazy typing but I want to get through it as soon as possible, I will elaborate on the bellow when discussing the particular time period)

I met Red in uni. had oneitise, she dumped me. Decided I hate women ,got into red pill. Realized im an idiot and started working on myself. Climbed a shit ton in uni so was super lean & strong. I finished uni and got hired. Added in combat sports & lifting to my rock-climbing as well as yoga, did that for 9 months then met Brown. Being religious I fucked her and then decided she's my wife and asked her to marry me (yes in retrospect that was stupid, we met at a party and boned on day 2) she said yes and we started an ltr. I used to drive her to and from where she worked. first uni then her managerial job. We moved in together & she cheated on me (with a guy I am ironically on the path to becoming), I forgave her and she got her bpd treated (formally diagnosed, ssri's & mood stabilizers). Stuff got better and worse, sex was shit but she wasn't as unstable. I went away for a few weeks and she got hooked on painkillers as well as cigarette smoking (im allergic to tobacco). I come back she went into aa and got clean though she still smokes. Covid happened and we both got fat. I put together a home gym set and worked out. She also needed physio in that time. I have a secondary partner and started playing with a third just before changing countries and moving to not a shit hole. Brown is currently waiting for paperwork to come meet me. I have a plate coming to visit me in a month or two.

My Question.

I dont know what to do about this relationship. she is effectively my wife but idk if I want to keep her or not. I am needing help when it comes to perspective and seeing this clearly.

considerations.

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Looks/physicality

I have lost most of my weight. I have always liked being fit and strong. I am someone that wants a functional body even if it takes me time to get there. I love excersise hiking and climbing. She does not, Brown hasnt taken care of her body, she hasnt taken advantage of any of the gym equipment I have had around until she got dreaded to fuck (I changed countries, I fucked a pretty 18yo and that didn't achieve shit). My issue is this, how long before she lets her body go completely. She does the min ill allow but I feel like im tired of having to push the girl to take care of her body to the point that its better than just ok.

Drive

I can be very indecisive but I am super driven and decisive when I decide to do something. It took me 2 years to decide I wanted a tat and 2 weeks to get the tat after I decided to do it. That is due to research and booking time mostly. I read about the benefits of fasting for health and just went for a 72 hour water/coffee fast. I am planning a 5/7 day fast in the next quarter

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She does have a drive but its not practical, she has random shit she gets obsessed with doing but it'll often be objectively stupid crap (like being a teacher). She is ok at doing that, though she hasnt got her drivers after 4 years. It feels like I need to drag her kicking and screaming to doing things that make her life better. Like getting a bloody drivers license.

Social life

I had a ton of friends, mostly from hs. I still have a few close ones, Browns entire social group (3) ditched her barring one friend who is now a single mommy due to said singlemommy getting with a gear head and getting knocked up (yes I did call it when I met the guy).

Economic

I am from a well off family. I went to a private school and uni. I work in a very well paying field and have a professional degree. I haven't got savings due to the sheer cost of moving at the moment but that will be remedied in 6 months or so. I am putting away a full quarter of my salary in addition to manditory pension etc. Basically I am on the up and up, with not a ton of issues to complain about

Brown. grew up in a shit area, went to a public school, got raped by her schizophrenic older brother, had her dad leave her fam for another woman. her mom is a secretary. her grandparents, parents and brother share a house in a shitty shit part of town and even with her current salary and staying with my fam cant keep up on her own expenses. Shes poor and emotional when it comes to work. She is unlikely to ever leave her current situation if her life doesnt change. I like her mom but when she cheated and I made her confess to fam her mom didnt exactly shame her for it. She is reconnecting with her dad because I made her do it. She has a cert in a tech field but doesnt fucking use it and wont look for another job. Admittedly though corona sucks and my home country is a complete shit hole

House work.

So this is the area in which she does objectively make life easier. when we lived together & with my parents she would pitch in to help with housework enough to make my life easy. She can cook ok after I taught her how. She did wash clothing (though again she got lazy after work and then basically got stupid behind on washing till I applied the guilt sufficiently)

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-sidebar here. I was working 60 or so hour a week and got FUCKED by my allergies when we were staying together. I had no energy to even do both my jobs at the same time, like there were several times that me and another coworker worked through the weekend and i do mean without a break to sleep. It was hell. During that time she did help, she was there to cook and clean and do the washing to an extent. She was there when I needed some softness (and also fucked another guy at the time.).

There was next to no sex but honestly it did help me through that particular time period and she did make sure that I got treated for my skin issues, something id been putting off for years. In that respect and emotionally she is supportive to an extent.

Diet/excersise

Pretty much the same. She will support me exercising on the occasion, that said that support involves sitting around while i work out or trying to work in (I do full body 3x a week, it means its a hell of a pace and by the 1 hour mark its a fucking mental strain to keep going and having to talk isnt helpful) She wont workout herself (she is now but all my equipment is gone and she is literally at the max level of dread. few people could get to a larger amount). She is finally losing weight though obviously no sex, she is trying to show me nude stuff and while she does turn me on cause 4 years of having sex and some poses her body is sexy as fuck, here body just looks fat to me.

Our relationsip

Its ok. for sex see bellow but beyond that shes decent. She does spend ALL her time on netflix and social media but beyond that again not bad. She does genuinely seem to care about me, she does text me daily to check up on me and is as a rule pretty friendly and caring/loving towards me

sex

more of the same. When she does do stuff and get into it she's fun, but its a giant fucking chore. She will NEVER initiate. When I initiate she will grumble and resist until I've literally done foreplay, got her wet and stretched and have been fucking her for 5 min (I'm big, if i don't do this she bleeds even if wet). So yes we both have a rape kink and speaking to her post/pre / out of scene shes told me to keep going and does know how to actually communicate that she wants it to stop but fuck. I dont want to literally always feel like im raping her. Its not the sexy kind either like the first 5 or 10 min make me feel like a shit human. No its not always been this bad but thats where it was for like 5 months before i left. She would fight me when I kissed her. She is open to cuddles and physical affection to an extent which I literally do non stop.

Which brings me really to the tldr crux of this

I love her. I love her to the point where any time im with her i get sad that one day its going to end. I love the time spent with her and her voice and in the times that I have really needed someone she has been there for me. Yeah shes cheated on me atleast once but honestly im madder that i told her not to do something and she did it than I am at her fucking other guys. Shes been there when i needed someone and has helped me in some really shit places in my life and just typing this just asking the question makes me feel like a dogshit human. I hate tht i might have to leave my brown. I truely do care for her and appreciate the mountain of shit shes done for me. Hell shes helping me sell off some of my excess stuff back home and is pretty good at it.

BUT, I need to live my life. I'm not a kid either and I am rapidly approaching the point where a dumb fuck decision of staying with the wrong person can severely bite me in the ass. At my age it is increasingly possible to ruin or lessen my life permanently. I refuse to let myself be a fat sack of socially awkward shit or to ruin my life by being lazy now. I got out of the shithole I was born in and ill be damned if I fuck it up after spending years to be able to leave. Yes hypergamy isn't a straight jacket but that cuts both ways I could do everything right, I could learn all the skills and fix my body and it could still be too fucking late, I could still be pissing away time I don't have to spare on someone for years before learning if they will get aboard the ship and a shit ton of money too considering I doubt she will be able to work if she joins me. If I am going to support someone full time they need to do a fuck ton more than just be "ok". I would be expecting all the meals done, the house spotless and my clothes clean , plus sex and her getting a useful hobby or two and being good and fuckable. cause frankly I am working 8-9 hours a day and managing almost all of that just fine despite being a dude in a way too big house (im working on a smaller place)

so yes I have been a drunken captain at times and at others a useful one but I need to know if i fix my shit how likely is she to step up to the plate given all the past history and what should I consider for the answer.

And that is my question and where I need perspective. Yes I am attached to this girl but I need to figure out if its a good or shit idea to keep her with me/around. I need help understanding the likely hood that stuff will go wrong as well as the factors that got me here. If you have further questions also please feel free to ask.