Hi ladies!

I'm the one who reunited with her exhusband (and have many of you to thank for your advice, prayers, and encouragement!)

The update is essentially that the coronavirus lockdown has brought us even closer together. I'm homeschooling our girls during the day - which has been a dream of mine for a long time - and my exhusband continues to work. We spend almost every evening together as a family, with lots of time for laughs, exercise, talking, walking, chores, games, etc. He's a hard worker and also always a full participant in family time. He continues to be thoughtful, caring, and generous. He's protective of his family, keeps us safe, and works to make sure everyone is taken care of, even in an uncetain economy. We still have chemistry and the relationship between the two us has been really good - some difficult conversations, but always with respect for each other and the openness that things could be different now. And no fighting - which is huge because before we couldn't go more than a few consecutive days without a fight.

However, I get the sense that he's just waiting for things to fall apart again - he alludes to it and I can tell he is worried that I'm going to yell at him when he shows up late because he got stuck on work, or I'm going to have a hard day with the girls and just go off. I feel like he's waiting for me to fail, and its becoming a heavy burden to carry.

He's also regularly negative self-talks about how out of shape he is (he is a former college athlete and still very muscular). His back hurts and his hips hurt sometimes and he says he knows its from sitting at a desk all day and/or from eating poorly the day before. I know I can't solve this problem for him, but I want to just so I don't have to hear it anymore! I eat pretty healthily and only serve him healthy food. He's drinking beers or eating desserts he buys for himself. I give him the time and space in his day to go for a run or something if he wants, but he doesn't choose to, he just works. What would you do in this situation?

Along similar lines, I hear him repeating things he used to say 10 years ago about his work situation, such as how he doesn't get the respect he deserves at work, he should be further ahead, he's smarter than his supervisor, and he should be making more, etc. He's got a great job, he's been there 4 years, and he just got another promotion and raise. He makes double what I do, but I do think there's some truth to what he's saying...meaning I don't think he's wrong! He is super smart and probably IS smarter than his supervisor, but I can't figure out why he's stil stuck on this same problem. I think he's generally unhappy in his career choice and would be happier in a different field, but I said this to him 10 years ago, and I find myself wanting to say it to him again. I know part of it is my fault - I didn't give him the stability at home that would have been needed to make a big career change like that.

I know these are the kind of things I only get to see because I am close to him and spending so much time with him. He doesn't complain to other people, he's professional at work, etc. Shoild I just let him vent to me and then move on?

I want to be supportive but not controlling. I know in one sense he's made a calculated decision to be responsible and stay in his career despite his misgivings because of the stability. I have a lot of respect for that. How do I handle his complaints with grace and without letting them drive me crazy? Are these problems so minor that I should just let them go? So far, I've been prioritzing our connection over trying to influence (even subtlety) or control his life. Any perspective from experienced wives would be so helpful!!!