Not fully swallowed TRP, but trying. It hurts.

Relationship of a year, split yesterday on my terms. I'm starting to regret it.

Some things that I saw as red flags.

Biggest one, she cheated to be with me. Eventually left him. Figured she'd do it to me when she got bored.

Didn't trust her from the start. She was ambiguous when she'd talk about her days out (where I wasn't around). It made me distrust her instinctively. My gut was always screaming at me while with her. She would leave bits out. Bits that didn't need left out. I would hear about those bits on different days. It was weird. So I just jumped to the conclusion that she leaves out small shit that doesn't matter, she would leave out big shit when it suited her. Had no proof of lying or sneakiness. Just felt it.

Never managed her cell battery. Phone was always dead, even when she was around a charger. I asked her to manage her battery better. She said she would try. Never did. Just always had an excuse. TRP made me fear she was just lying and sleeping around during those times.

Has no girl friends. Only one guy friend which you'll read about now. Had no social circle, really. Only spoke to coworkers, family, and this guy.

Has a guy best friend. Rarely sees him but I accepted it at first. Then eventually changed my mind (bad move). I mate guarded. She agreed to it, but eventually she spoke up about it. We split before she ever got a chance to see him again.

One time he went to her house for an evening. She said he wasn't staying the night. I trusted her. Her power went out conveniently that night. Didn't have service or internet. Didn't hear from her until late AM. Said he left before she slept. Didn't believe her, bitched at her. But I stuck around and tried to bury my distrust. I had no proof of anything. That was the day I told her not to see him anymore.

Another convenient disappearance, went to get her car fixed by a "friend" instead of going to a shop. The day she went she was gone for hours without word. Finally got in contact with her. She had left her phone to charge at home. Again, didn't believe her. Got angry, bitched at her. Again, I had no proof of anything. Swallowed my distrust and resented her even more.

Asked her about her Instagram inbox once. She said she "doesn't message people and didn't even know you could", that's verbatim. Got my hands on her phone, saw she was messaging a couple people via instagram. Nothing bad, but it was proof she lied to me. Confronted her. You know, for the life of me I can't remember how she hamstered this one but she did. It was bullshit, I'm sure.

God she had a fucking excuse for EVERYTHING. Never at fault.

Found out at the END of the relationship that during the START of the relationship, she was sexting pics to another ex. We hadn't agreed we were together at the time the pics were sent. That's her defense and while it's sound, I don't like it. We had been sleeping together and saying I love you to each other. I cross referenced old texts to be sure about that fact. So when I found the pictures I confronted her. Asked her if she was sending anything "flirty" to this guy around that month. Wanted to see if she'd come forth honestly and on her own. She lied and said "no". So, I told her I found the pictures. She then said "you were flirting with other girls and we technically weren't even together yet" also she said "when you flirt with someone, you have intention to be in a relationship with them. I don't want to be with him, therefor, I was not flirting, I must have just wanted attention". My jaw hit the floor with that hamstering. This is what finally pushed me to leave her. I'm just hoping it was a good enough reason along with the others.

Sometimes, I fear I jumped the gun. I mean, technically, I was flirting with other women during the same time she sent those pictures at the start of our relationship. However, I was open about it. She hid this and then lied when confronted about it. In fact, I mentioned I didn't like her texting her ex sometime near the start and asked what she could possibly have to text him about (I was trying to look secure and failing miserably). She said it was just "friendly" and they were "catching up". So she lied about it a long time ago too. And who fucking knows who else she was sending them to. I wouldn't had found out about this if I hadn't grabbed her phone that day. So I'm sure there is a shit ton of shit being hid from me. She also said that I should drop it because it was so long ago lol.

Had no proof of cheating although if I knew she was sending those pics at that time, I would have dumped her. Didn't find them until a year later and by then I had oneitis. Technically, I'm only one day off that oneitis.

Just some proof of lying although she hamstered a defense for the pictures and for the instagram messages. Honestly, she had a defense for everything she did. Even small things. Always an excuse.

Did I do the right thing by leaving her? Sometimes I feel like maybe I jumped the gun and could have gotten over all of this.

Please keep in mind, I'm trying to stay strong but the red pill is bitter and I'm fresh off the breakup so I'm weak as hell.

Give me a hand?