I'll try and keep this short. I'm invisible. I found this place early 2016 and I thought things were going to be different by the end of this year. But nope. I started lifting 3x a week and made huge changes to my diet and I started to make progress. I still am. But you know, I'm just ugly. I've a big head stupid nose and hair falling onto my forehead and I wear glasses and oh by the way I've a fucking stupid name.

I'm brown but I don't think this has anything to do with that. All my friends and my brother look just great and they don't even lift. I'm the weirdo among my friends. Whenever I'm out with friends I'm outright invisible to girls. It's like I'm not even there. I don't mind being hated but I hate being invisible like this. And this is my whole life. I remember feeling the same way when I was 16 and I'm 23 now. And I'm scared I'll be 30 soon and it'll still be the same and there's nothing I can do about it.

The shit cherry on top of this shitcake of my life is an old acl injury ( I'm working on this though) and a nice case of pectus carinatum. I guess I'm still better off than disabled people though. It's been two years for me in the USA and I've only seen one other place than the place I live in. And it isn't like I've to show anything for it. I graduate this December with a shitty GPA and no job as of yet. I'm in tech btw. In fact I'm brown, in tech and wear glasses, I think I'm the stereotype. I don't expect to wake up tomorrow and be Casanova but I just want to fit in and have a normal life but I don't know how.

I feel like giving up every night, almost cry myself to sleep but I wake up feeling slightly hopeful. I've absolutely no one else to talk to about this. My friends don't understand, nor does my family. It's just me by myself - all the Halloweens, birthdays and New Year's Eves. This is the only place I can talk about all of this. I'm glad I found this place though. I'd have given up a long time ago otherwise. I really hope I can turn all of this around by the time I'm 25, if not I think I'll give up then, really.