So I'm getting back into the game after a ltr, have been going on dates and/or hooking up with a handful of girls over the last month. It's been going pretty well, but here's something I know I need to work on.

I don't have any problem having interesting conversations that flow well, I'm educated/read/have done some cool shit. And I'm really only attracted to intelligent girls, I need to be able to have good conversations with them to have any interest in pursuing things further.

I'm not talking about STEM shit or anything super boring, and I'm not doing most of the talking, these are real conversations that feel genuine and fun, lots of jokes, etc.

The problem is that it's so easy to slip into neutral conversation buddy territory and have a good time hanging out that ends with zero sexual tension or a smooth transition into further escalation. I wind up as cool guy friend and not dude I want to fuck.

One thing I've noticed is that in some cases, it's definitely a defense mechanism. The hotter/smarter the girl is, the more conversation buddy I become. And this happens mostly on dates/online during the feeling-each-other-out phase when we're strangers. I don't have this problem so much with girls I've known for a while but am trying to hook up with.

It's not hard for me to flirt/introduce sexual tension when I'm getting clear IOIs. It's only when I feel unsure of her interest or like I need to make a good first impression that I default to conversation buddy.

Same with kino, feels natural when I know I have the go ahead, super awkward when I need to break the ice physically without knowing if she's into me or not.

I'm apparently pretty attractive, get approached by girls fairly often and they're usually receptive to a first date/hanging out, but I don't have much of a skill set when it's up to me to do 100% of the pursuing.

tldr; basically I'm comfortable sexualizing/flirting/escalating when I have clear IOIs, but have a hard time moving things in that direction when IOIs aren't there from the beginning or I'm the one initiating. Need advice on how to set the tone from the beginning or when I need to get out of neutral conversation territory.