Was told to post here instead of the main sub.

Hi ladies. Recently found FDS and need to vent and get some encouragement. Last year I (29), pre-FDS, I entered into what I thought was a relationship with a HVM (34). He checked ALL my boxes. We were so compatible, and seemingly so perfect. Now I'm not sure if this was just love-bombing. He's a foreigner in my country, and has had kind of a nomadic life (lived in other countries for a year) and we met at work. I've also kind of wanted to try out this lifestyle, so I did not see that as an issue.

When he met me, I was in the tail-end of another relationship and he went on full-on pursuit. Would say the sweetest things like:

  • "youre my dream girl"
  • "i'd do anything to make this happen and id never let you regret it"
  • "i'll change my life, put everything on the line, dont care if its rational or not"
  • "this is the most appropriate time to meet you and im going all the way with you"
  • "youre the last puzzle piece in my life"

I was naturally skeptical he was a fuckboy since he is very good looking and charming. We begin talking more and more, and for over 3+ months in lockdown just over texts and calls before I started to believe he was genuine. One thing that made me believe it was that he was willing to introduce me to his mom, something he's only done with one ex-gf before. When lockdown lifted, we met in person and began dating exclusively.

We were really happy, and he continued to make me believe he was genuine and sincere about a future together. He was very generous and wanted to always spoil me and would always pay for meals. He was always supportive and encouraging and proud whenever I had achievements at work and never put me down. He would listen respectfully and we could have mature civil discussions if we had any disagreements (almost none). He met my family, and got along amazing with them. Our shared interests and principles/beliefs made everything so easy and felt so right. With things going so well, I let myself believe this was my HVM for life.

Now almost a year in, I broached the subject of our future together. And that seemed to suddenly spook him and he realised we weren't in the "get to know each other more" phase and was heading into more serious territory. He revealed he was terrified of divorce, seeing his mom be super hurt by his dad. He said he was used to living life for himself, not having to care about another person. He thought meeting the right person (me) would change that and he'd feel different and want to settle down but now he said he feels the same. He says right now, he is happy and willing to commit. But he's scared that what if in the future he feels differently. I said, I'm looking for a partner who is willing to work together for our shared future and to be committed to each other. If he can't, then we should end things. So we did. He believes it is better to end things now rather than later, where he might hurt me even more. He says he was very happy with me, but he believes he can also be happy alone like before.

I am ping-ponging back from feeling justified in ending things but also feeling so upset at all our wasted potential over something that might be a "non-issue". How did he go from being so sure to this?