long read so apologies. I am posting from a throwaway. I'm 23 and have been depressed for the last few years. Growing up, my parents weren't very nice or supportive towards me. Whenever I'd tell my mum I wanted to do something, she would respond in a negative way, telling me what I was doing was pointless and that I shouldn't bother. She would always make me feel like shit, and then get mad at me for feeling like shit and not being happy. I've been living with her for about a month after my ex and I broke up, but thankfully I'm moving out in a few days time. Her response? "You can't afford it". I can afford it by the way. I don't have a lot of money but I can most certainly get by.

My dad was no different. He was a total fucking dictator. I got yelled at constantly and he always threatened to hit me but he never did. He and my mum separated a while back, and I was living with him during the time when she left him to be with another guy. He took all his frustration out on me, saying he wished he never had me, those types of things. When he threatened to hit me, it scared me beyond belief and I think this is a huge factor in how I'm feeling right now. I was around 18-19 at the time.

Anyway fast forward a few years later. I'm 21, living out of home with my now ex GF about 30 mins away from both of them. Was working at the same place as my dad (he got me the job). I might sound like a brat or whatever, but I still found it difficult to speak to him or even make eye contact with him. He kept asking to borrow money from and he'd approach me every day at work asking. I must have lent him around 2.5k. He'd always promise to pay it back but he never did. This really fucked me up. Imagine your own dad asking to borrow money off you, promising to pay it back but never actually doing so. I wasn't mentally strong enough to ever ask him for it back, I was still scared he'd yell at me etc. Anyway, he was a huge beta, and even though divorce sucks for kids and the parents, I can see why my mum left him.

Do you guys have any stories you wanna tell? I am asking here instead of the depression subreddit cause here I might actually get a decent solution to what's happening right now. I feel sad af that I never had a dad to call and ask for advice and that my mum has been a huge bitch to me my whole life. I started reading trp a while ago in hopes that I could take the advice and never end up like the man my father is.

ps. i sort of wrote this on impulse so some stuff may be missing that is relevant, or it just may not make a whole lotta sense. i got a lot of stories to tell. basically i'm looking for a support network and don't have many close friends these days who i'd be comfortable telling. looking to change that asap! if you're gonna tell me to harden the fuck up, do so but with actual advice on how to attached. also i'm not trolling, i'm posting here because i can't sleep, theres a lot of thoughts going on and recently my brain simply hasnt been able to slow down. if possible i'd like to talk to someone over a pm. cheers dudes