Hi ladies,

I don't exactly have a question, but, I am using this space to vent. I’ve got the single woman blues.
and I'm feeling super down today and incredibly frustrated. Be prepared for a long post.
What would you say to a woman who has never been loved?

To start, I'm 28 years old.
I Just wanted to be very honest because this has been bothering me for a long time. I struggle on occasion when the thoughts come up. 
I’ve wanted to be in a relationship since I was very young (probably since I was 10, maybe even younger) but love has never happened for me. I was quite shy as a child. In school, there were boys I liked, but they always ignored me and I was teased. A really awkward time (but elementary, middle and high school are usually like that)
College was tough. There was a guy who I was very much infatuated with but he turned out to be a huge bully. He spread rumors about me to everyone he knew and many of his friends were always making rude remarks when I walked by (yes, imagine these people were over the age of 18). It was humiliating. 
Then in graduate school I befriended a guy who I immediately began crushing on. He knew all along how I felt about him and kept me around because he really liked how much attention I gave him while he was seeing other girls. I don’t know why I stayed in the “friendship”. It was going on for 4 years. Until it got to the point when my feelings were so overwhelming that I could not stand being around him. So I confessed to him how I felt about him as a release for me. Naturally, I was rejected. I asked for space and we never spoke again. He stopped talking to all my friends too. Sure, it was gutsy but also humiliating, facing rejection once again. 
I finished school and am back home now living with my parents. The last 2 years, I have been struggling with getting a job in my field. In order to do that, I've had to take a series of exams which have given me so much trouble. Basically the better you do numerically (for your exam score) the higher prospects you have as far as a job is concerned. I'm trying but feeling unemployed doesn't feel good and I just feel very behind in life compared to all the girls my age or a little older/younger who are professionals, work at prestigious places, and are married, some with kids, etc. (Sorry, this was a bit of a tangent)
Romance was never in the picture for me. Absolutely no luck in that department. I stood on the sidelines, while all my friends and many other young women my age were chosen by great guys. They were always noticed and approached anytime we went out. I felt overlooked, invisible, unwanted, undesired, unattractive. I know one must not put their worth in someone else’s approval. As a woman though, it’s been a very painful experience for me. To experience rejection time and time again. There hasn’t been a guy out there who has ever asked me out, taken the time to get to know me or want to invest in me. It’s the worst feeling in the world. Even more so because I am a romantic at heart. I’ve longed to know the intimacy of a significant other. All these years, it’s never happened. I’m now 28. Sometimes I feel like a lost cause. 
But then there are times when I enjoy my singleness. It’s all I’ve ever known, and, spending it with the God and my family has made this time valuable. I have time for passion projects, other hobbies, investing in close friendships. These carefree moments will never come back again and I’m trying to make the most of them. 
I also never wanted to be THAT girl. Yes, the girl who serial dates and is ALWAYS in a relationship and can’t be on her own for more than a month. I have close friends who are like this. 
But this still doesn’t diminish my desire to be loved and wanted in a romantic way. I’ve never known the feeling. I’ve longed to know what it would be like to have my feelings reciprocated, or for someone to want to pursue me. I was sad because I felt (and still do at times) that no man wanted me. Of course it’s not true but if it’s never happened before (plus the bullying, heartache, countless rejections), but, what else was I supposed to think? It affected my self-esteem, I’m ashamed to say. It’s hard when you see some girls get all the guys. Everywhere they walk, they catch a man’s attention. It’s never been the case for me. I would always feel annoyed any time they would complain about being dumped by their boyfriend. They (and any other woman who has ever been in a relationship) at least has known what its like to have her love reciprocated or to be seen in that way, regardless of how the relationship ended. They do not know the pain of rejection and loneliness, which is all I've experienced. They have been chosen. They've had someone interested in them romantically. I've never known what its been like to have been chosen (and I understand that is more of a self-love issue). The truth is, it feels dehumanizing at times.
I’ve always wondered that feeling, the moment you catch someone’s attention and he really fancies you. That he will do anything to pursue you. That he tells all of his family and friends about you, because that’s how awesome and amazing he thinks you are. 
Every Valentine’s Day, I spend with my family (and the same thing will happen this year, and I’ll be ok with that). When I was at school, I spent it on my own, ordering in a delicious meal and watching a movie or spending it catching up with a close friend. But never with a man who loves me. Never had a secret admirer either. 
I don’t even know what I’m asking. God/the universe (whatever you believe in) always has a plan. It’s very hard waiting. Marriage is a challenge in itself. It takes a lot of hard work. I often wonder what it’s like to be on the other side. I often wonder about companionship in a mate. After all, (I believe) God designed helpmeets for us. 
I’ve known many women who are well into their 40s and still haven’t met the right one. They are still single and wish to be married. They feel lonely as many of their friends and peers are coupled up. I’m very scared at such a prospect. I distinctly remember when I was in high school, my drama teacher at the time (who was such a kind lady), had mentioned how hard it was for her being in her mid 40s, watching her married friends enjoy their lives while she couldn’t even get a date. This is a sad reality for many women. What can you even say?
I feel so helpless and that it truly is out of my hands. I've been working on myself, improving all areas of my life (working on my career, even though I've been struggling), working on my fitness, working on my spiritual life, and nourishing all of my other relationships.

But you all couldn't possibly know the feeling of never being chosen. It is an indescribable pain.

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