Life and everything in it has no happy ending. Why the fuck play a game you know you are going to lose? Why bother? Oh because of the good feelings, because working hard makes you appreciate your life and the times you get the enjoy the benefits of working hard? It is just illusion. You want what you can't get. That hoes that don't put out do that exactly for that reason. Fashion works the same principle. You put hard work in, you naturally value it more. Otherwise, it does not fucking matter.

Life is a playground and I'm playing a game whether I like it or not and I'm going to lose just like every living being. I think I'm just waiting for the game to end. Meanwhile I'm here or there finding distractions. This year TRP. Last year Reddit. Before that games. Before that books. Before that toys. Before that I wasn't borned.

Everyone has a distraction. You just call it "mission". You feel whole and manly OH I AM A BIG BOY because you got high T and a constant supply of dopamine and relevant hormones. When my T is high and when I'm active, I also don't question shit as much as I do now.

Education is a distraction. "Work" is a distraction. Family is a distraction. Raising kids is a distraction. Pussy is obviously a distraction. Everyone is busy distracting themselves until death presents itself out of "nowhere". Then everyone acts like OH MY GAWD SURPRISE, surprise death! oh we are sorry now so sorry. Bitch you knew it, you were just shutting your eyes or blocking your inner voice. We are all idiots trying to be happy by putting our heads into our buttocks.

I have been trying to find "mission" for the past decade. I found shit. Because there is nothing to be found. I can just "decide" on something and "stick" with it until I can't. And that is it.

And I can't find a reason to stick with it. Why should I stick with it? How is it going to benefit me if I stick with it? There is no answer. Again. I can "make up" an answer for me. Or I can "subsribe" to mainstream answers like TRP, religion X, religion Y, budhists, fight club, matrix, whatever the fuck.

Therefore I'm distracting myself with more basic stuff like internet, nowadays TRP, and shit like that. Instead of working hard. Both are distractions. When you work hard you feel like you have control over your life and you feel like it is on your own terms. But really, it is not, you are nothing, your will is nothing more than ability to choose between 2 options that are already created by things other than you whether you admit it or not. You don't mean shit to anything. You don't even know what your concious is. You don't know shit. You are nothing more than a kid in a playground. Not only you but also everyone. Obama. Pope. Your dad.

So I think best way to live life is to be a drug addict when someone else is controlling the dosage and variance. But if you work hard and be a hustler you can recreate a similar effect based on your performance. So trick is to generate those feel good substances naturally as much as possible? Eh? But then how can you distract yourself and work hard when you know you are distracting yourself? You know how to play the game in terms of methods, i.e. hustle, work hard, get more fit, make more money, fuck better chicks, travel to better places, eat better food, have better toys, have more experiences. Ok. But how to play the game when you know all of them are inherently pointless, meaningless and has no merit. I know I will die. I cannot get attached to anything. So "how" to play the game when you know you are going to lose?