Feelings for a plate

MentORPHEUS · 2016-12-30T02:38:21+00:00

I prefer long-term relationships even at the plate level, so this is definintely my wheelhouse.

Sex and emotional bonding go hand in hand; this is part of being human. Some people naturally have little to no capacity to become attached; this isn't a problem for them. Running with these lizard-brain impulses without cerebral checks and balances is what draws people into life's Blue Pill traps.

All that said, I enjoy limerance, affection, and continuity in my sexual relationships; to quash these natural tendencies would be a loss for me. It took trial and error, but I've learned it IS possible to maintain what might be considered a "Plate-plus" relationship, where besides sex, both parties enjoy many of the fruits of a BF/GF relationship on a part-time basis.

How to get there? It's obviously more complicated than a simple fuck buddy setup, but you don't have to reinvent the wheel. Spend some time on the Black Dragon blog and the More than Two website. Here are some key points I've found helpful.

Relationship talk is the woman's prerogative. Even if you want a conventional LTR, your job is to escalate physically, but STFU and let her take the initiative for relationship talk and bargaining. I was surprised how little was needed, and how much later after we began having sex it came, once I learned to STFU
Know what you want in advance, don't agree to more than this in an intimate moment. Have a firm hierarchy in your mind of the women you sleep with; treat them as appropriate for their place, and endeavor to keep them feeling equally fulfilled with what you two have; this doesn't mean giving away the stort
Having a realized abundance mentality from maintaining 2+ plates at once is a HUGE help when a favorite one starts to wobble, and you find yourself tempted to offer more comfort traits than your ideal. You DID say you have plates, right?
Accentuate the positives of the situation and downplay or disregard the negatives during relationship negotiations. Consider the power of the "yes ladder" sales technique here. Instead of saying, "I absolutely DON'T want an exclusive relationship!" (she will only hear/feel rejection) proceed like this: "I really love being with you. We have a good thing here! You're really sexy (etc) It would be a shame to end this right? I don't want to end things, I want to keep seeing you. So, why mess up such a good thing?"

I've never had to hard sell a woman on nonmonogamy. Some don't want it and will dip; just let them. Others will decide to stay, and you can all keep spinning happily.

vandaalen · 2016-12-30T01:03:47+00:00

We've discussed it

What? Why?

It's her responsibility to push towards any other kind of relationship thn the one you have, not yours. You don't "discuss" your feelings. You never tell her your feelings.

An LTR and agreeing to be exclusive are two distinct things. They are not mutual. You can have an LTR and still fuck other women and you can be exclusive, but your relationship ends next week.

Grwoing attached to somebody and developing feelings is our human nature. It happens to all of us.

Of course you lead things where you want them to be. That can also mean "letting things happen" though. If you want to be exclusive with her, let her push for it and accept. You frame the relationship since it is your responsibility that it is running.

Title	Feelings for a plate
Author	el_pildora_roja
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	December 30, 2016 12:41 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5l0ev0/feelings_for_a_plate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/feelings-for-a-plate.79932 https://theredarchive.com/post/79932

Comments