My social skills has gotten better. Before i was even shy to say hello to my friends now i kinda open up conversations with people. I just feel like im not good enough and never will be. I have passive aggressive behivors. If i had a relationship with a girl it will never be a give or take. But i will never have one because my conversations is all asking the same questions like an interview. I will never get a girl to chase me. I know im not worth the chase. Im so fucking bland. And boring. I wish i could be like other people. One girl on snapchat told me i dont know how to talk twice. I talk to them because my town is a strict muslim town. All my family is like this. They all are too nice and most people dont respect. One is alcoholic one is 25 still works with my dad cant find a job he likes. I just dont know to be an asshole or what. Be positive or negative. I think about goofy things to not do so ppl wont see me as a kid and not a man. My brain is just empty. When people tell me stuff i get lost in words and dont know what to say. I think of which will be good to.say or which not so i get lost in words. The girl that told me i dont know how to talk and im brainless. maybe both were jokes but i blocked her. I just wish i could be the most authentic guy i can be and i dont want people to see me as weak or dumb. Im my biggest enemy. And i have the lowest IQ ever. I say this because in youtube i watch videos and then comments and people talk about most interesting things in the video that i didnt even know. They find most funny or interesting stuff. I never can . I wish i could be like those ppl.im afriad to meet new ppl because i never know what to say what to ask them. Which question would make me valueable. I have worked on a lot of things but still at %1 percent which is realizing all of these things.