Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I'm posting this here because you men have always been at the forefront of brutal, necessary male honesty for me.

Sidenote: Please don't tell me to head on over to r/nofap because that sub is filled with complete BP idiots.

Reading and internalizing a TRP mentality has really made a difference in my life - I dress better, I go to the gym regularly and I'm much more attractive overall, but one thing is holding me back.

I'm unable to have sex.

Addiction to Porn:

Now, I'm in my mid 20s so age isn't the problem. The problem is my addiction to porn, fetishes, and death grip. As a result of this, I've never had proper sex. But let's start from the beginning.

I first discovered porn when I was about 11. It started with naked pictures, then I realized every friday I could watch soft-core porn at midnight on Channel 7. Eventually it progressed into internet porn every time I had the house to myself. I was obsessed, and since then I haven't ever taken a break. Unfortunately, around this time I discovered my fetish: Tickling. I fucking hate that my brain gravitates towards that kink, but it does, and that's just the way it is. I wish I didn't have it, but I do. For years, that's all that got me off - that particular genre of fetish videos. My brain became accustomed to that, and it's never recovered, mainly because I still indulge in it. Now here's the problem with that - it doesn't involve any sort of sex, but it's still arousing to me. I get 10x harder from tickling a woman than from feeling her tits.

I get off on porn that involves actual sex acts, but it's usually kinky in nature - such as the stuff on kink.com. If I haven't jerked off for a few days and my testosterone has built up, and my biological wiring kind of puts itself in place, I can get off on just a picture of a woman, or completely vanilla porn. Other than that, my brain wiring isn't suitable to just get off on regular sex with a woman.

Actual attempts at sex:

At 17, I dated the first girl I ever did anything with beyond kissing. We did everything, and I took her virginity. But here's the thing - I never came. Not once. Not from sex, not from endless, prolonged blowjobs - nothing. I couldn't feel a fucking thing down there from getting blown, and sex was only slightly better. I even jerked off while sitting on the bed beside her and still couldn't cum because my brain had wired itself to only get off when I was alone and totally immersed in the porn on that computer screen. She was gorgeous too, so that wasn't the issue.

I could fuck her for 45 minutes and not even come close to busting. So at 17 I was experiencing ED. This lasted for our entire relationship and was eventually the thing that broke us up. By the end (about 1.5 years), I was getting soft during blowjobs and couldn't even keep it up long enough to fuck her. I would get soft while inside her. My sexual confidence was gone at that point. Since then I've tried with 3 other women and as you can expect - failed fucking miserably every single time.

I even asked my idiot doctor for Viagra. Her response: "You just need to find the right girl!". Fucking moron.

Anyway, it's about 8 years later. I've given up trying at this point, which is depressing because if my dick worked I know I would have no problem getting laid. I never escalate with women anymore because I know the inevitable result of impotence at a curiously young age and unending embarrassment is my fate.

Anyway, I realize I have a serious porn addiction, but also sexual anxiety, death grip, and whatever else fits the bill here. I don't know how to get over it. I've tried but I can't last more than a few days without fucking going back and binging. I just want to have sex. I want to be able to just enjoy fucking a woman. I want to be able to have one night stands and a great sex life but right now that feels impossible for every reason I've listed. I really just need to fix this. I've turned down so many opportunities because of this and it's killing me.

Has anyone else experienced anything remotely close to this? I really need help.