Reassurance

postalmaner · 2020-01-25T23:29:08+00:00

Yes, you'll be okay. You have to accept that is "by some definition of okay":

You may end up with absurd amounts of legal debt.
You may end up in situations which are patently unfair or unjust financially, and even reasonable court decision are unpalatable.
You may end up changing jobs to be able to spend more time with your children, and having nasty letters about imputing your income to your previous amount for support obligations.
You may have a contested and high conflict divorce, in which case: congratulations, you now have a second full time job plus OT of gaining access and custody.

Your children will be fine.

This will be as hard as one of two people make it--that person is either you or her. If both of you make it hard, then it will be very hard on you and your children.

warrior_up · 2020-01-26T00:22:50+00:00

Here what I just posted on another thread:

Man I just got done FaceTiming my three boys Year after divorce still messes me up. Sometimes I think it’s easier to just pretend my 10year marriage with kids never happened. Like it was all a dream...because it’s only getting harder to witness the carnage and aftermath

100% it’s changed me, spent months sitting in my dark apartment drinking whiskey wondering how this all happened, why my three young boys had to endure such a stressful and hurtful situation at such a young age. It’s effecting them and of course the ex carries on with a smile on her face.

It doesn’t get easier - not for guys and those that actually have hearts and love unconditionally. My ex didn’t and some days I wish I was more like her, less empathetic, able to ignore the destruction, the severity of the situation and the web of effects that will result from this years down the road. I won’t ever be the same, every woman every situation every day just feels like you’re living a double life. I get it man.

All I can say is that it doesn’t get better, you either choose to let this situation break you or you choose to use the situation to better yourself physically and mentally so that you learn to live life happily with a dark hole in your heart. I’ve seen guys that are able to move forward much easier....I on the other hand am more like you and although my love for my ex wife has been nearly diminished I’m still left trying to piece together life without my kids. That’s the rub for me, I’m just one that doesn’t handle being without my kids very well. Of all things in life I enjoy being a father the most. Always will be a father but none of it is the same as it should have been

Sadly this is life, this is our situation whether we like it or not this is where we are. I’m hopeful that someday I’ll experience that untouchable husband/family/fatherly feeling again but it seems so far away, such a distant dream. I’m a 36yr old male, never had issues with the woman but these days I have zero interest or desire to be intimate, had my fun but even still everything felt off - can’t explain it any other way then saying with divorce along goes a big part of who you are as a person, when you involve kids - then you’re left fighting to stay alive every minute of every day. You just have to keep moving forward, you can’t quit and you have to hold on to some sliver of hope that you’ll once again feel that untouchable feeling again. That life is worth living

dustinsteeth · 2020-01-26T00:13:16+00:00

Ok she cheated. That sucks, but does that necessarily mean the marriage is over.

You have wounded pride and feel rejected. Does she feel the marriage is over too?

Title	Reassurance
Author	dustinsteeth
Upvotes	4
Comments	5
Date	January 25, 2020 11:14 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/etyc0p/reassurance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/reassurance.818720 https://theredarchive.com/post/818720

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