I’ve been married 12 years and have basically had it with the situation. Ideally I’d like to pay to make the problem go away. Had a quick phone consult with an attorney, who made it clear that since I earn close to double of the hopefully stbx, that I’m most likely on the hook for spousal support for quite a few years, plus other general fucking over.

So here’s the basic situation for me living in CA, USA. No kids, both work full time, but she has multiple periods of unemployment.

She brought student loans into the marriage, which still are not paid off.

During the marriage we acquired a house and a car. Mortgage on the house, car paid off.

She has several 401ks, most likely from after the marriage but total amount isn’t significant (<$30k).

I have one 401k that started prior to the marriage and two after the marriage, totaling a significant amount.

In terms of debt, we have unsecured debt of about the same amount as my 401ks. Plus the mortgage, which is about 25% paid off on a 15 yr loan, so there is equity and home values have increased since we bought around a decade ago,

My ideal outcome is I keep the house and car, I take all the debt, including her student loans. I give her one of the 401ks, a one time payment (<25k ideally) and some monthly spousal support (<750/mo) for five years. Oh yeah, I keep two cats and she takes three dogs. There’s some electronics, furniture and appliances, but nothing that I would fight over.

So, am I thinking about this right? Do I have a prayer for that outcome? If not, what should I do? Or what’s the best way to get this done and minimize overall financial ass rape? Afaik, assuming both spouses are willing to settle, mediation is a cost effective solution. I’d like to funnel this towards mediation, but obviously want to have a strategy in place.