How to support male friend during divorce?

2018-08-16T17:28:44+00:00

1) Don't expect him to talk about it unless he wants to. I'd go so far as to say don't even bring it up to ask how he's doing.

2) Don't tell him he's wrong, even if he is. You're not his lawyer or his therapist, so just let him vent.

UnbaptizedPublisher · 2018-08-26T01:35:31+00:00

If you are going to help your friend please remember to set boundaries. I was helping a separated man who was going through a hard time. His wife was pregnant and she kept no contact with him for the majority of the pregnancy. Even threatened some HARSH things on him. I helped him every step of the way, morning, day and night.

Once the baby came he dropped me like a hat and moved in with the wife. I mean good for them. He didn't say thank you or nothing for the last txt. It was "I have to do what's best for my kid." That's all I got. The wife HATES his guts. I wish them the best but the both of them are very toxic for each other. I feel REALLY sorry for the baby.

But be careful with how much you take on. Set boundaries. Taking on a lot will ware you down. You might start feeling depressed, more anxious and tense. Actually most of the time when I was helping my friend, I had a real hard time sleeping just because I went to bed with stress and woke up to his wife doing ABC to him.

Now that he is gone, my sleeps improved. It's a miracle! I am generally much happier now and have time for me.

It's good to be a friend but it's also good to say NO. I learned the hard way.

Suki100 · 2018-09-07T10:59:16+00:00

Send him a link to a therapist! I called myself helping an ex through his post divorce blues. I sent him a link to a great therapist and even listened to him talk for 1-2 hours or call me to complain about his ex wife on his lunch break. I thought I was building a connection with him. But really he was dumping his negative energy on me and he was too cheap and too self centered to see a therapist. Most men who are going through a divorce refuse to do the emotional work to sustain a healthy marriage. They like women who do all the emotional work and find themselves in the same cycle of disappointment when that woman gets tired. After dealing with him, I understood why his marriage failed. He refused to go deep and close with his wife. She found someone else one year later.

BergenNJ · 2018-08-16T17:30:34+00:00

What I find the most helpful is when people mind their own fucking business. If he needs help he will ask for it.

Title	How to support male friend during divorce?
Author	KkittyKitty
Upvotes	3
Comments	5
Date	August 16, 2018 3:44 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/97teh2/how_to_support_male_friend_during_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-support-male-friend-during-divorce.820053 https://theredarchive.com/post/820053

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