Wife wabts kids, I do not. We are still crazy in love, but talking about splitting because of father time

mrbeardo4200 · 2018-02-15T09:24:26+00:00

My ex wife decided to go with a younger guy because we couldn't have kids (just never happened despite 6 years of marriage/trying), she already has 7 from an abusive ex husband, but seems she still did not conceive. I thought she would never do this but she did, so be wary. You might have to ask her if she will want to be with you still if you didn't.

Sensless · 2018-02-15T11:48:04+00:00

I suggest couple’s counseling. The answers are yours alone. My experience is I wanted children before marriage but slowly changed my mind, starting a couple of months before the wedding. After a year, we were at a crossroads as you are, and went to counseling. It helped resolve the deeper issues. Ironically, we had fertility issues and only had a child after seven years of extraordinary efforts. Today, we are divorced for reasons unrelated to the children. I have no regrets having children.

Doibugyu · 2018-02-15T15:59:24+00:00

My spouse and I have never been on the same page as far as wanting children. Some years, I want them, some years he does, but never have we both wanted kids. We are still happy, because we agree that kids shouldn't be the goal of a healthy relationship, but a byproduct. Our goal is to make life better for each other and those around us and we have found great interpersonal fulfillment through that philosophy. If I have learned anything, it's that the longer I'm in a healthy marriage, the more I change for the better. Maybe one day, we will get a kid. Maybe not. It's not why we got married, so it's not a deal breaker.

It sounds like you're in a good relationship and have everything going for you, but if having children was one of the reasons you got married and your spouse made that clear to you, and you absolutely do not want them (maybe Parenthood would agree with you, maybe no, idk) then I'd leave the decision up to her. If you stay together, please be as sure as you can she won't hold such a decision against you; resentment will rot any relationship.

keeblerElf1023 · 2018-03-19T00:59:34+00:00

30yo male here in similar situation. But we've got more issues than just the kid thing. I used to want them but have nephews and a niece now and decided I don't want them anymore. We've been separated for over a year. I asked her to show me she could be a responsible adult and she hasn't done so over the last year. Now we also have the kid thing.

I feel we should divorce and I think I want to but when I tried to say that last week I thought the agony of it was literally going to rip me apart.

Even though she's hurt me over the years, I still love her and want her to be happy. But I need to be happy to and I feel like that won't be the case with her. Idk how to do this or it I even can.

I feel for you OP.

SkeptiCynical · 2018-02-24T18:19:28+00:00

First, try couples therapy. If you really, really wanted kids before, and the two of you really are that perfect together, you may have just gotten cold feet. Therapy will fix that.

If you never did want children, but you kinda said you did because it kinda felt right at the time - you have to get out. It's a dick move, and it was a dick move to be dishonest with her, but it's not your duty to have children for someone else. Your marriage will be destroyed by the stress and the conflict of dealing with a lifestyle you don't want (parenthood).

Children are not optional accessories to a marriage. They deserve to be born wanted and planned for, to emotionally and financially stable families, with a space already cut out for them. This is a point that needs to be handled LONG before the wedding day.

So if you realize that you never did want kids - cut your losses and GTFO. If you think divorcing now would be difficult, think about

Contested Divorce
With Assets
Now you'll be on the hook for alimony
Now your retirement, investments, and 401K are at risk
and the income-killer: child support

Then you're fucked. In the most non-judgmental way possible let me say this: if you don't want kids, you're going to be a shit dad and your marriage will crumble. You owe it to everyone involved to get out.

Title	Wife wabts kids, I do not. We are still crazy in love, but talking about splitting because of father time
Author	Sensless
Upvotes	4
Comments	10
Date	February 15, 2018 5:40 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/7xoeo0/wife_wabts_kids_i_do_not_we_are_still_crazy_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-wabts-kids-i-do-not-we-are-still-crazy-in.820255 https://theredarchive.com/post/820255

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