Married 18 years only been with one woman (former member of a fundamentalist church) one child (11yr old) We both feel we want more than what the other can give.

Financial: I earn ~$78k She earns ~$12k, is in school for another 2.5 years She owes ~$12k in student loans I owe ~$54k in student loans We rent our home No other debt We are on separate health insurance

We have committed to co-living for the foreseeable future (separate rooms like we've had for years) until "we" can afford two rents and to pay down student loans The decision to divorce is still so new that I don't even know which questions to formulate here. I guess I am hoping for advice from those on the other side of this. I think we can work out custody, roles/responsibilities with regard to the living situation and child. I am afraid emotions will get the better of us regarding the division of financial responsibilities. When we were actively married, I was totally committed to putting her through school, managing most of the household and parental duties. She did all of that (with the exception of making much money, which is why we lived on student loans) for me when I went back to school a few years ago. We see this as a good way to provide stability through the divorce for our child and ourselves - making incremental changes. My concerns are mostly related to uncertainties like, "How will we be able to move on if we are still living together," or, "I am making the same commitment to her as when we were married without the benefits of affection and the like. Am I being too generous? Or is this the best way towards an independent future for both of us?" Also, when is the best time to officially divorce? For her? For me? Should I stay married while we live together for the tax benefits?

I am sure more questions will come, but these are just the ones that I have been able to synthesize at the moment. Thanks in advance for any input. I'm sure I'll be leaning on this forum heavily for the next while.