I’m 44, freelancer writer, my wife is 43, freelancer videographer. We’ve been married 9 years, have 2 kids (4 and 8), live in Oregon. Things have gone steadily downhill almost since the beginning, and have gone off a cliff in the past couple years, for various reasons. Basically despite our best efforts, including multiple couples therapists, we depleted our relationship goodwill bank account and are now deeply overdrawn. I keep thinking things can’t get worse and they do. It's pretty mutual.

Most the time things have been exacerbated by financial stress: we can barely keep our heads above water most years, live unpredictable paycheck to paycheck, and definitely living on the modest end. (Combined gross under six figures, net waaay less than that.) We’ve exhausted our savings, even eyed our meager retirement accounts. We have and are constantly trying to find new income sources, but our joint earnings if anything have gone down over the past five years, as our expenses have skyrocketed.

So as we openly contemplate divorce, money is a huge stumbling block for both of us. Getting separate homes, another car, separate health insurance, filing singly again – the numbers add up quickly, and as I said we’re half-drowning as it is.

I’m wondering about legal separation as an alternative, which would (as I understand) let us keep our family health insurance and joint tax filing status, at least. Anyone with any experience in this? Or other advice for when neither partner may be able to afford living alone and supporting two children half-time (ideally) without making even more massively life-altering changes?