Here’s an example:

Guy hasn’t had a girlfriend or sex in two years. Has had unsuccessful dates where there was simply no chemistry, or where the woman wasn’t interested in him. He’s feeling pretty depressed and lonely about it.

Guy A) Blames himself. Feels like a big weirdo who women just aren’t likely to be into. Internalizes his pain and just really feels badly about himself. Looks in the mirror and realizes he could shed 25 lb. Also realizes his depression and his current state could be improved through therapy. On NYE makes a plan to better himself, improve his confidence, lose weight, and hopefully get a girlfriend.

Guy B) Blames the women. Feels women as a whole just have it easier and devalues them to feel better about himself. Believes Chads ruin it for nice guys like him. Believes online dating ruined any of his chances at love. Looks in the mirror and says he should lose weight but never does, says it’s too hard and he thinks he can score a fit chick anyway (but doesn’t). Calls himself jaded when he actually has a terribly negative and unattractive personality, while being basically untreatable in therapy because he thinks the way he feels is based on reality and everyone else is wrong (especially the women).

Guy A took personal accountability for his situation, Guy B did not, which left him blaming everyone but himself, and because of this saw no reason to better himself. Thinks the women are the problem, not him.

I’m new to this sub and I’m seeing a lot of blame thrown around and I’m trying to get to the bottom of it and understand better. I know I’m somewhat simplifying things but it’s based on real people I know. I curious to hear stories of personal accountability and self awareness and self improvement and how focusing on those things worked for anyone? Why are we in such a “blame game” state?