To offer some background, I’m 25 and I’m socially awkward to the point where sometimes I just avoid people. I think part of the problem is early on my insecurities fucked with me to the point where I didn’t really develop socially. When I do make an attempt to talk to strangers, it’s hit or miss. Usually the latter. When it comes to women my conversations are usually brief and I run out of things to say or say something I probably wouldn’t have liked to and my interactions are sometimes cut short involuntarily. It feels like some type of social retardation. I live near the Mexican border. Recently, I’ve found myself crossing back there at least once a week. I’m fluent in Spanish and in the bars and strip clubs I frequent mostly on my own, the beer is cheap, the women are at times, gorgeous (not everyone is a star) and you can molest them with a dollar. Fun times all around. Anyway. There was a girl at one of these locations that caught my eye. She was stunning. Thin, light skinned, had a few tattoos and could really put on a performance to heavy metal. Really my type. So, I called her over. I bought her a drink, we talked for a bit and the conversation was effortless. She invited me back to smoke some weed, which was surprisingly alright. After we were done, we stayed in the back. Eventually, we ended up right next to the speakers, and because the music that was blaring right next to us prevented us from talking a whole lot, I held her close to me and we occasionally took turns speaking into each other’s ear. I stayed for a little while then I told her I was ready to go, but that I’d be back. She smiled, hugged, kissed me and went back to the dressing room. As a side note, I feel like I should state that I’m aware of where I’m at. I understand the reality of what she does, and what she is. I’m not trying to save anyone. I can’t. Even if she could cross back. I know what’s going on and where I stand. However, I returned. I asked for her. We had a few drinks and we we’re having a good time. At least I think we are. Then she tries to kiss me, and I don’t go along with it. I didn’t move my face away. I just didn’t move my lips along with hers and it’s pretty awkward, but if she felt a certain way about it she certainly didn’t seem like it. I hung out a little bit longer but I decided to leave anyway. This is where the story should have ended. But, I went back yesterday and here’s what happened. I got there, and after a drink I asked for her. She wasn’t in yet. So I wait, and shortly after she arrives. I don’t know if she saw me. I end up waiting for her to get ready and I get tired of it so I leave. I come back later and she’s there. We talk but things don’t go as smoothly as before. She’s pleasant and attentive but the conversation veers off and I decide to go to the back with her again. She dances for me and we get close. I get face to face with her and she pulls away turns around and starts grinding on me. She takes her top off and I try again. She pulls away yet again and pulls on my neck. I have a surgery scar that she grabs onto, which was of course meant in disrespect. I remove her hand, look her in the eye, and I tell her thank you and leave. She says something which I couldn’t make out. I’m left with questions. Was my interaction with this woman good before because she wanted it to be? Or because that’s just what happened after I had some drinks? Was her blatant sign of disrespect in retaliation for feeling rejected? Or was it because there was never any respect there to begin with? I know these are things I should ask myself and I have. An outsiders perspective might help me though.