Hey guys, I am pretty new to RP, but I have really been devouring the info for a good month or so. Not just here, but all the sidebar blogs, the links you guys put up, I've been all up in it. It makes me sick to just read my life out in all the "things a bitch-man does" sections. I have been the ignorant white knight for too long. But you guys have helped me out a ton, so from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

If only I had found this a year ago, it would have saved me so much trouble. Hell, 15 years ago would have been nice. The saddest part about me is that my best friends since I was young have pretty much all been players. In 2nd grade, my best bud Timmy had all the pretty girls for girlfriends. I had my 1st one in 5th grade but she dumped me since I never once spoke to her.

Later on, me and my bud Jim were skater dudes until he got sent to juvi for 9 months. He came back freshman year of school as a totally different guy. Basically, he had picked up game in juvi and acted just like that dude did, which included changing his entire mentality from the funny stoner skater to the sexually serious stoner wigger guy. He became a prolific poontang getter after that and tried to school me, but I didn't want any of his "game".

I had my cousin too. He spent most of his time in juvi growing up and is still in prison. Whenever he is out, before he breaks parole or whatever, he is getting laid by gorgeous women left and right. His thing was always just complete lies, which worked for a time until he got found out. But he never cared one shred for a woman.

His mother was pretty mean to him, I heard her scream at him on several occasions "I wish you were never born". No matter how bad a kid is, that shit hurts. It wasn't even said to me but I will never forget hearing it and how bad it made me feel for him. Needless to say, later on in life, he had no reservations - which meant no limitations - in his sexual adventures. He tried to teach me too, but I didn't want to be like him.

I did ok back then. Back home. I had a few girlfriends in highschool, ended up having me some sex with a few girls. I moved a short distance away and went to college while still having my HS girlfriend. Things really changed when I moved pretty far away a year later.

I left that girl obviously. One of those regretful ones because she wanted to get married, have kids, and be a nurse. She pretty much did exactly that, works with the infants at the hospital like she always wanted, has a better looking body than she did at 18 and is still that same sweet girl living back home. She married a much older man, 20+ years older. But she did that right after me. I think we might be the only 2 guys she's ever been with. Maybe that is why she wanted to set up a cheat session with me? She basically begged for years and I finally relented, then she called and backed out at the last minute. I was grateful for that.

In the new town, I made best buds with Big B. At first I thought B was full of crap about all the women he'd already had until I saw it in action. Over 10 years later, B stopped counting a long time ago at 300. After taking RP, he really seems like a good example in some ways. But after years of hanging with him, I never really wanted what he had either. I mean sure, shuffling gorgeous women in an out of your house and watching them have a catfight over your weiner is pretty cool but damn, it's some drama sometimes. Once you know the secrets of a man like this, a man who has boned many of his friend's wives, you tend not to trust anyone anymore.

Another good pal was P. P was the nerdy and diligent student. He had a lot of female friends from school, was a very friendzone guy. Really all it took was 1 hot chick and she stuck with him for years. Watching him, he really always handled her well. After over 6 years, he finally realized she wasn't going to grow up and he put her out. It wasn't easy for him. He spent about a year single and moved in another already. This is the guy I most want my relationships to emulate. I am jealous of that live-in situation. I've never really had that.

About 27 is when I decided I really wanted to get serious about settling down. I immediately met L. She was 32, gorgeous, great career. Shit yes. Aww man after that first year. Her dad was an alcoholic and her Mom ran the family while being a flight attendant. I was dating the older sister who had basically raised the 2 younger ones. Her Grandparents were terrifying, the Grandpa was totally there but he never talked because Grandma said everything, even answered questions asked directly to him. I saw myself easily settling into a life of servitude to her as it was already happening. I could never give her enough, I could never be enough. I picked the fight that ended it but it took me a long time to get over.

Since then it's been online women, I'm decent in bars, trying, but not too hard. Recently met a great gal in a bar, way out of my league I thought. But it's getting easier to meet women now that I'm older. The hard part is getting over wanting to spend all my time with every new love interest and ultimately driving her away. I have made having a relationship with a woman my top priority and realize that was a big mistake.

So this spring my stepsister moved to town. Yep. We didn't grow up together and only been around each other briefly during her teen years. I watched her from afar as she had a couple kids, ran around with some of the worst kind of people, went through a lesbian phase, finally deciding to move here and get herself together. I had a gf but started spending much more time with SS. I saw her situation and figured she had never really had a decent guy in her life and wanted to show her what that was like. I did shit with her and her kids. We had a great time together. Eventually, I was totally in love with her and dumped my gf but never pursued anything physical with her.

Many months down the road, I was basically tortured by my feelings for her so I let it spill. I said we needed to take a break or decide to escalate the situation, her choice. She decided to discuss with her sister who let her know that I had also fucked her and all her friends. Immediately SS was in my bed. At the time, it seemed fine. I was serious about taking care of her. Our affair went on for several more months.

This all really pissed off other S who I had remained close to up until that point. To clarify, I am not related to either of them and we all only met in our teens. And we never lived together. Somehow though, shit happened over the years.

So now it's about Turkey day and I don't know what to do. The celebration is at SS house who still talks to me but pretty much shut me out a little over a month ago. Other S and I haven't spoken for months since she is still pissed at me and only me. Folks don't have a clue. SS has a new BF who will be there as well. So if you are still following, and I hope someone is who can give me some badass advice, what should I do? Bitch out on Turkey Day? Should I show up and try to play it cool as hell?

And finally... so P moved out of stated 2 yrs ago and Big B moved a couple months ago. I got zero support system anymore. I have been on my own away from my family for so long, I am obviously desperately clamoring for some kind of family atmosphere all the while bringing down a shitstorm of fuckeduppedness upon myself. I need some serious help you guys. My goal is to be a happy man. At this point, I have nowhere to go but up. I just want to make sense of it all.