Crosspost "I'm tired of the hate towards deadbeat dad's being acceptable by society, but not deadbeat mom's." from /r/raisedbynarcissists:

I feel like when a father is no good to their children, society and people around them generally understand why their child does not want a relationship with them and even hate them to some degree. I have hardly ever heard the phrase "but that's your dad!" as much as I have heard "but that's your mom!"

I saw a thread with Eminem and his mother, who if you're not familiar has had a rough relationship with his mother. He has songs about his mother's drug and alcohol abuse and it obviously affected him deeply through the years. People in the threads are commenting on how "great it is he wrote the apology song" to her and how "great it is he's reconciled with his mother". Not that I think it's impossible or not great that he was able to make amends with her, but not everyone gets to do that with their nmoms. It bothered me how many people were condemning the songs he wrote about her abuse but praising the apology song, like his songs venting about what he went through was vile and unacceptable.

I feel like it's totally invalidating to people who have nmoms. It's already hard enough having a mother who is abusive and uncaring, but to shove in our faces the "mother's love" rhetoric or whatever is even more disheartening. The whole "mother's love" that people are so used to, people with nmoms unfortunately are not familiar with that. It's insensitive to assume that everyone's mother loves their children deep down just because they gave birth to them, even though they are abusive.

An absent or abusive parent is an absent or abusive parent. The neglected or abused children have every right to not have relationships with them or feel a certain way towards people who abandoned or abused them. It doesn't matter if they are a father or a mother.

Posted by hotcheetogatito | 10 August 2020 | Link