When my ex wife and I seperate I lost my kids, she assaulted me and despite me having the bruises to attest the the violence I suffered she claimed I attacked her and I was charged and convicted, she applied for a family violence intervention order which was granted without evidence and I was kicked out of my home and my relationship with my children severed and I then battled for two and a half years, I had all of my assets and saving taken (bank account drained the day before the family violence order was placed on me by the court taking literally everything from me except the clothes on my back), so I couldn't afford to go to the family law court to gain access to my kids.

My father told me "she's going to screw up, and you will see your kids again" but I didn't believe him, i gave up, I could deal with having the items I had worked for since I entered the workforce at 15 taken away, I could earn more money to get that back, BUT I couldn't deal with having my kids taken from me.

After my kids mum teased me with them, telling me I could see them for fathers day and canceling the night before, and telling me I could see them for christmas, and cancelling the night before I gave up, I decided I couldn't handle the pain anymore, so on christmas eve I decided to commit suicide.

I taped a length of garden hose into the exhaust of my car in my father's driveway (where I was living in his backyard), ran that hose in through the window, put on the HED PE album broken and closed my eye's happy that i wouldn't have to carry this pain anymore.

But and old guy that lived up the street walked by and tapped on the window of my car, he had been exactly where I was, he was, empathetic, he talked with me for a few hours and had me cry on his shoulder, he told me about his children and his story and how he loved seeing his grandkids and listened to me, and I got out of my car, took the hose out (so my father wouldn't see it, two of my uncles committed suicide by gassing themselves in they're car's, so he would have known) and went to bed.

two week's later I made an appointment with a psychologist, and I won't go into all of the details but I sorted alot of shit out over the next few months, I got back to work, I moved out of my father's house and I made some new goals for myself, but I was still without my kids.

then it happened, my ex wife screwed up badly enough to get noticed by child protection just like my father said would happen, two and a half year's later, because I'd flung myself back into work I had enough money to afford to take her to court and I was awarded 1/3 custody, and my kids now stay with me every weekend plus more.

and because i took the time and effort to get my shit sorted, and because I knew what I was looking for I also met an amazing partner who treat's my children as her own, who works with me, who is kind and careing and accepts all of the baggage that comes along with me, and appreciates what I offer.

I write this to try to give some hope to everyone out there that has been or is in a similar situation, do not lose hope, get yourself sorted out, and fight through the pain and the hurt because you are valuable, you are worthwhile and you can do it, whatever it is for you.