Pete Holmes tells chatty Malia Obama to shut the fuck up while performing in Somerville, then wraps stage curtain around her when she doesn't.

B-L-G-Y · 2020-01-27T03:20:47+00:00

Can I get this not behind a paywall?

PBR--Streetgang · 2020-01-27T03:19:48+00:00

Priveleged pussy pass denied.

PerkyLurkey · 2020-01-27T04:41:56+00:00

Lexington native Pete Holmes was set to perform stand up comedy in Somerville recently when he noticed two women in the front row whispering throughout the show before he took the stage — and he didn’t take well to the distraction.

“Like it’s worse than heckling,” Holmes told late-night host Conan O’Brien on Thursday. “What a Black Mirror nightmare to be doing stand up, and there’s two attractive girls — which is what made every nerd into a comedian — in the front row whispering and laughing at people on the stage, but in a bad way.”

The pair turned out to be former President Barack Obama’s oldest daughter Malia Obama — a student at Harvard University in Cambridge — and her friend. But Holmes didn’t know that.

So when it was finally Holmes’ turn to deliver his set at the Comedy Studio, where he first got his start, he took action.

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“And then I go on last, and I tell a joke, and they’re whispering and laughing and giggling, and I’m just like, ‘What’s going on? I can see you,’” Holmes said. “They were in the front row. They were in the light. Like the spotlight was on them as well. And I just go, ‘What’s going on? I can see you, please stop.’”

He told another joke — but Obama and her friend didn’t stop, and Holmes said he grew increasingly irate. When he tried asking them to ‘please cut it out’ again, and that didn’t work either, the niceties were over.

“Then I get a little more like, ‘Shut up. Look at my face. I’m here to help,’” he said to O’Brien, a Brookline native. “But you know, you push Petey too far. I’m like, ‘Please, shut the (expletive) up.’”

At a certain point, Holmes said he went so far as taking the curtain and wrapping it around them.

“And I go, ′I don’t care. Enjoy the show however you want. I just don’t want to see you,’ and I cover them with the curtain,” he said. “I thought this would get a big laugh. Nothing. The whole audience turns on me.”

Much to his chagrin, it was after the show that Holmes said he found out it was Malia Obama.

Conan interjected and asked, “Who let you put a curtain around President Obama’s daughter? Why weren’t you shot?”

Holmes said he was wondering the same thing.

“I’ve never gotten off stage and been like, ‘Why wasn’t I shot?’ Or at least a little laser beam like you’re trying to entertain a cat on my face,” he said. “I covered them. I was like, ‘Shut up, shut up, shut up. You should vanish.'"

GoodRed666 · 2020-01-27T18:24:16+00:00

Well, the daughter is an entitled, narcissistic cunt. Being shamed was appropriate.

LayingEggsInUrMouth · 2020-01-27T06:22:42+00:00

LMAO no one gives a shit about Obama.

I thought this would get a big laugh. Nothing. The whole audience turns on me.

Why did this happen? He's an ex-president, the pass left the whitehouse years ago. Amazes me how some think of the presidency as a form of royalty.

Fat_n_Ugly_Luvr · 2020-01-27T04:41:58+00:00

Good! Shut up, ya dummies

nicodiumus · 2020-01-27T12:07:21+00:00

People pay to see a comedian. I imagine it's not an easy job to do stand up. They should have just been respectful about things, not simply for Holmes, but for the other patrons at this club. I liked Obama as president and I like Holmes. Perhaps Barry will remind his daughter to show respect for people who do jobs like this. You have to like a guy who calls Kanye West a jackass. lol

tweelingmeisje · 2020-01-27T12:43:43+00:00

How can a performer be so insecure? He was definitely bullied by pretty girls as a kid and grew into an awkward, maladjusted, paranoid adult. (Like most of you)

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