Crosspost "when I was 14...." from /r/TrueOffMyChest:

I met a man who was 7 years older than me. we fell in love, or so I thought. he wasnt my first, but we did have sex. frequently. I'd leave my house after my parents were asleep and come back before school in the morning. I'd go days without sleep, and he would push me to see how many I could go before I passed out somewhere random.

a few months into the relationship my stomach felt weird. hard. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. my heart dropped. I had no idea how to tell anyone. but I knew who I had to tell first. I was so happy, but nervous.

we got into an argument. he asked how long I had been pregnant for, and I didnt know. i had no idea when my last period was. he beat the living shit out of me for not telling him sooner so "we" could get an abortion. I remember laying on the floor and he threw a pack of makeup wipes at me, telling me to "clean up" before I went home, in case someone saw me.

the next night my stomach did not feel right. I was bleeding from my vagina. we had sex anyways. my stomach hurt so bad the whole time I cried constantly. afterwards I went into the bathroom and I had these massive cramps. I was in the bathroom and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in the bathtub of my boyfriend's house. She wasnt dead, like I expected. she was alive, for maybe a few minutes.

I listened to her struggling to breathe. even at 14, with no real concept of pregnancy, i knew she wasnt developed enough to live. I put her inside my tanktop (it was the kind with the built in bra) and put my hoodie back on. I made the mile trek to the hospital with my boyfriend following me in his car and begging to see "it" for the whole drive. when I reached the doors of the ER, he turned around and went home.

my daughter was born at 19 weeks. the hospital told me they dont work on babies born under 21 weeks, because they didnt have the proper equipment that was small enough. I felt every ounce of life drain out of my own body.

the hospital reported me to CPS and I was forced to open a court case against him for sexual assault of a minor. I didn't see him again until our court date. he mouthed the words "I love you" as I gave my statement. afterwards, "I'll kill you".

He was sentenced to seven years in prison in 2015, and I fear he may kill me soon.

thanks for listening. I havent told this to a lot of people. my daughter deserves to be remembered.

R.I.P, Morgan Rose.

edit: there really is way more to this story, so I'm sorry for the gaps, but I wanted this particular post to be solely about my daughter. thanks for your time and patience in reading this, and I apologize if it triggered you, and for the spelling mistakes, as my hands shake a lot from the anti depressants.

I'm 19 now, with a 2 year old son. I'm trying to heal and live my best life. I appreciate all of the lovely comments and I will reply to you eventually, just be patient with me please this was a lot to share.

Posted by Kaybabythrowaway | 19 January 2020 | Link