Marriage in South Carolina.

Dear Dr. Peterson,

I am writing this letter in the hope that you will recognize the passion and desperation I have to get attention on this important topic. If it will persuade one journalist, politician, blogger, or influencer to research and interview the victims of this state imposed slavery, it will be worth the time it takes to reach out. This letter is referencing the South Carolina Alimony laws, and their unfairness. I am reaching out to you specifically because of the unfair discrimination imposed on men and not women in the state of South Carolina. I will reference my husband’s personal situation, but there are thousands of other men and women who are facing the same, if not worse, peril. I urge you to reach out to them to not only verify our story, but hear their pleas as well.

My husband was married for 25 years to a woman who stayed at home to raise their two daughters. She was a good mother, but they were incompatible and split when the youngest graduated high school. Although they had lived all over the country during those 25 years, my husband had the misfortune of living in South Carolina at the time of their separation.

He paid her separation pay for two years before filing for divorce. Here are just a few of her financial abuses during their separation:

· He gave her cash to pay their daughters college tuition – she spent it and took out student loans in his name instead. This means my husband is paying $200K for his daughter’s education.

· She took out two high-interest credit cards (28% and 17%) and charged them each to $15K. She co-signed for him on both cards without his knowledge.

· She emptied his 401K.

· She tried to stop him from putting his father in hospice at the end of his life. She said to him, “what are you spending my money on now?”

These are just a few of her actions taken during their separation, while they were still legally married. When they were finally filing for divorce, the two of them came to the following agreement:

· She would take the credit card debt she had incurred on her own since the separation took place.

· He would take all student loan and car debt.

· He would pay her $3,000 per month ($36,000 per year) for life.

When they got in front of the judge however, the judge decided this was inequitable and made the following ruling:

· My husband would take 100% of the debt – including debt that was not in his name

· My husband would pay her $4,750 per month for life. This is a full 1/3rd of his monthly take-home, before taking into account the $2,000 per month in debt payments the judge awarded him.

· My husband is allowed to seek modification of his alimony obligations one time for the rest of his life – in the case of severe hardship or retirement. There is no guarantee that it will be lowered.

The judge told him that he was free to take the case to trial if he did not like her ruling, but that the earliest he could get on the docket would be two years from then.

These draconian laws are a form of modern day slavery. My husband’s ex-wife works part-time in retail, although she has a bachelors degree, but makes $57,000 per year as a result of being married. My husband works hard, 50 hours per week to be able to pay her this money. She will make this money for the rest of her/their lives unless she remarries or co-habits with a romantic partner for a term of 90 days. It has been six years since their separation and this has not happened, so it seems unlikely that it ever will. She is in her mid-50’s now.

My husband and I are planning a family now. I bring one son to the marriage, and we are planning to have two more children. The laws in South Carolina do not allow for my husband to modify his alimony obligations to provide financial care for minor dependents, so although we currently struggle and over 50% of my husbands earnings go towards alimony and debt his ex-wife incurred, we will have children and struggle more while she continues to live a life of luxury – not working and not having children to care for. The state of South Carolina is taking food out of my children’s mouths, and robbing them of a better home, better education, health care, college funds, and future inheritance.

One day, my husband will want to retire. He is 56 now, so that day will come within the next two decades. If he retires and is unable to lower his alimony obligation, and unable to meet the alimony, he will be jailed. The only way around this is to flee the country, or work until he dies. He will never flee the country though, because he is afraid that his daughters will hate him for financially abandoning their mother. We are lucky and were able to stipulate that his ex-wife cannot come after me for any earnings I may have if he is unable to pay. However, many men and their new wives are not so lucky. I implore you to seek out those men and women and hear their stories.

There is a non-profit organization that has been trying unsuccessfully for several years to change the alimony laws in South Carolina. They are called “South Carolina Alimony Reform”. You can see what they are trying to do, and read testimonials from other families here: http://scalimonyreform.com/

I have spoken with the founder of this group, and asked him why they have not been successful. Here is his response to me:

"Malloy has been blocking our bills for the last 3 years. He is an attorney and the SC Bar has been against us from the beginning. The matrimonial attorneys make a lot of money on alimony cases. However, now that the Bar has agreed to a bill with our lobbying firm maybe something will change and Malloy will not block us next year. In the Senate one senator can block any bill that he doesn't like. This is very unfair, but the Senate is set up to block bills instead of passing them. One person should not have the power to block the majority vote. I don't know what ever happened to "the majority rules". Now it seems that the minority rules. This is why SC never seems to progress and why we stay in gridlock most of the time. "

He is referencing Senator Malloy of the 29th District in SC. You will see on www.followthemoney.org that Senator Malloy has received nearly 50% of his campaign contributions from lawyers and lobbyists. A total of $273,000! Here is my source: https://www.followthemoney.org/entity-details?eid=13013537&default=candidate

I am writing to you because many people are not aware that these alimony laws exist, or what their impact is on families. I do not have the influence to reach enough people to make this heard. In most states, child support is adjusted when the paying party has more children – so that all children can be cared for. With South Carolina alimony, it seems the spouse receiving alimony is more important than children. This is unfair and damaging to children who have no other way of supporting themselves than through their parents. An able-bodied woman with a college degree should not take precedence.

I beg of you to help raise awareness for this cause. South Carolina Alimony Reform does not fight to end alimony, only to reform it to allow men and women a reprieve after a reasonable time period. Paying alimony for 10 years will give the receiving spouse time to learn a trade, save money, and become self sufficient. The current preference of the court does not give the spouse receiving alimony any motivation to become self-sufficient or remarry.

Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you would like more information or to hear more about our story. While I recognize you are focused on much bigger, nation-wide political and cultural stories than ours, I do hope to hear back from you and that you will help bring this issue to the public.

Thank you

Michelle