I live in a pretty big city, mostly for temporary employment. The benefit of living near my employer is that I don’t need to purchase a car, I merely need to drive an E-bike around the city. It’s actually been a life saver for me. Out of 60k take home pay, Ive been able to throw 30k a year at my student loans per year to pay them off. I’ll be done soon, and then I’ll purchase a vehicle.

Daily, one indulgence I do partake in is coffee. Yes yes, I’m an addict, I should stop, it’s a waste of money. But I see it as my “Zen” time. order a coffee, sit down, talk to a few people, I love it.

The best part? There is a bike rack near the location. I can literally see it the entire time through a giant glass window. No stolen bike!

Additionally, there is a homeless guy named Josh that camps near the store. Overtime we became buds. Started buying him a black coffee, parking it near him, and chatting with him before I took off to work.

The small benefit of this? He literally is sitting right across from my bike. I would never ask him to look out for it, it’s not his dam responsibility. But he always throws a “ill watch it” for you as I enter the shop. Never really expected it him to do it honestly.

On one particular day, I noticed a face I don’t usually know outside the shop. Arms crossed, head down, hat covering her face. She seemed to be glaring at the bike , but I didn’t want to accuse her of anything , so I just told myself I was being paranoid.

Her: “hey, I noticed you weren’t peddling, what that got a motor or something”

Me: “or something. It runs on fairy dust. Ha”

Her: “ how much it run you?”

Me: “not much. Maybe a thousand? Worth it tho. Brought my bills down a lot”.

Strolling into the shop I wave to josh , he nods back, throws me a “how about them Red Sox?!” I return it with “screw the Sox, I prefer Sandals (inside joke).

While in the coffee shop, I’m ordering coffee, and hear sound outside. I turn and literally see this chick KNIFING MY LOCK. But before I can react , I see Josh sprint over there, grabbing the knife , and throw her to the ground.

She immediately starts claiming assault, and three guys tackle josh to the ground. I bust my ass out there to defend him. Eventually the police were called.

Her: he literally just attacked me! I don’t know why. He’s a dirty man and belongs in jail.he was trying to stab me with that knife ! (on the ground at this point).

Me: I saw you screwing with my lock. What on earth are you talking about ? Officer SHE HAD the knife and was trying to cut through my lock.

Her: that’s a fuc*king lie! Arrest him to! He’s making a false police report! I WANT THEM BOTH IN JAIL FOR VIOLATING MY RIGHTS!

Officer:...mam... that’s not.... whatever. officer turned away from her, towards the owner. I see a camera up there , does it work? It could prevent us from throwing the wrong person in jail if you voluntarily submit it as evidence.

The owner seemed conflicted. But eventually brought the officer into the shop to review the footage. We stayed outside with his partner. Poor josh was not only handcuffed, but was forced to lay on his god dam stomach. I felt so bad.

Her: You are BOTH GOING TO JAIL. I hope you know that.

Me: we both know you were trying to take the bike. Do you think the camera is going to magically change? I’m baffled you are not running at this point.

Her: a man ATTACKED ME. He THREW ME ONTO THE GROUND AND WAVIED A KNIFE AT ME IN A ATTACKING MANNER. I have a kid at home, NO ONES taking his side. There is NO EXCUSE to hit a women.

Me: you don’t seem like much of a women to me .

Partner: hey, knock it off . Last thing I need is another fight breaking out. I don’t mind bringing two people to jail today,

Few minutes pass and I see both the cop walking out with the owner. The girl has the most smug look on her face I’ve ever seen. Glaring at me and josh. Throwing in a “I told you”.

Police: mam, put your hands behind your back. Your under arrest for attempted theft.

Her face literally turned white. Shocked.

Her: WHAT?! He attacked ME!

Police: yes...because you were taking this mans bike. I saw it clear as day. The choice is clear on who I’m going to arrest.

Josh: e bike. He has an e bike, an expensive one.

Police: well if that’s the case, it may up the charges depending on its worth. Prove its value and we might be able to up the charge. Do you want to press charges?

Me: oh dear lord yes.

Her: you can’t be serious???! Im a single mother! Who’s going to take care of my kids?! A MAN JUST ATTACKED ME. WITH A KNIFE and you are going to arrest ME?!

The police escorted her to the car. She kept screaming about her kids, how she was the victim, and how e bikes are cars, and I should be arrested for riding it on the side walk. I could kill people!!!!!!

Needless to say...after that....I treated josh with a lot more generosity.