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/r/personalfinance urges woman to break up with a guy because he doesn't make enough money. I wonder if they would have given the same advice if the genders were flipped?

RandomThrowaway410

June 9, 2019
33 upvotes
/r/MensRights

https://np.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/bycgq3/hopeless_financially_at_33/eqfwa4f/

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Title /r/personalfinance urges woman to break up with a guy because he doesn't make enough money. I wonder if they would have given the same advice if the genders were flipped?
Author

RandomThrowaway410

Upvotes 33
Comments 8
Date June 9, 2019 12:44 AM UTC
(7 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/byeog7/rpersonalfinance_urges_woman_to_break_up_with_a/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/rpersonalfinance-urges-woman-to-break-up-with-a.876015
https://theredarchive.com/post/876015
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Comments

[–]LeJacquelope 7 points8 points9 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

This is what I said to them

Bets I get banned for this? LOL

Just in case, my remarks:

The naked hypocrisy of this all. If the genders were reversed everyone would be all "stop complaining about your low income girlfriend and man-up!"

I hope she leaves him and he nails her with alimony.

[–]6footgeeks 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

It got removed

[–]LeJacquelope 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

LOL figures.

[–]MajinAsh 6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I’ll defend personal finance here and say they would give the same advice if the genders were flipped. I’m not on that sub too often but when I am they don’t shy away from telling people who are short on cash that a SO who is bringing in next to nothing is part of that problem.

I don’t pay too much attention but I’m sure I’ve personally seen a few posts where OP was told his wife/GF was the issue with the finances.

[–]runner557 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

That's sort of stupid advice though. Obviously the answer to everyone's financial problems is "increase the income." But that's not always easy or possible. What if the guy has a disability or was injured?

And it doesnt take much to get into situations like that. A person making $100,000 a year is a car accident or work accident away from a serious lifestyle change. Don't think that's not uncommon. It happens literally every day in this world. If your marriage depends on good finances, then it's in reality hanging by a thread that could snap any second.

[–]MajinAsh 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Personal finance always seems pretty cold and logical. People ask for help and have to be told they need to change something and that is either cash in or cash out.

Obviously the first advice is always cash out. We are all pretty damn wasteful when it comes to spending and personal finance will tell you to straight up cut out certain things you like. They'll ask why bills for A or B seem unusually high and which places to cut first.

But often, especially when you've already got kids to care for, you can't cut cash out by enough and have to improve cash in. For single people they'll suggest finding a new job or moving from part time to full time. It's a reality check when people are single working part time and have to be told "you can't afford your lifestyle like that, you'll have to work more".

With couples sometimes you've got one party bringing in a lot and the other being a net loss. In that case they often say OP will need to lay down the law on the SO's spending. Sometimes it's about giving the same advice a single person would get aimed at the SO.

If you work 50 hours a week and your SO works 15-20 it makes way more sense for your SO to increase their hours worked than it does for you. If you can't cut back on spending enough to fix your finances you need to increase your earnings so someone will have to earn more.

But moving on, of course increasing your income isn't always easy, but PF isn't about that, it's about fixing the problem. The problem is the balance of earning vs spending is off and one or both sides need to be adjusted.

For disabilities PF loves to point people in the direction of programs that give tax breaks or provide assistance. That sub loves telling people "save money using XXXX program!". That's where I learned I qualified for free tax prep software and stopped paying $30-$60 a year. Often the first advice is "at your income the first thing you should do is take advantage of XXXX and XXXX which should cut down on your spending" because it's cutting down on spending without cutting down on what you get.

But in this case it appears the guy doesn't have a disability, it sounds like OP is listing his take home after his own personal spending habits, which is kind of odd. It's just that his spending is through the roof. So for things to work he either needs to spend less and reduce his vices or make more and continue to indulge in them.

And of course most marriages depend on good finances. They don't have to be great finances but people expect a certain quality of life and if your relationship results in you being destitute it's going to suffer. Most people cant take a hit and downsize a house but everyone has a limit and when you reach things like being foreclosed on or having trouble keeping your kids fed it's not easy on a relationship.

TLDR: it isn't stupid advice at all. It's not fun advice to hear but if you're out of money you need to spend less or make more or both and that is the kind of advice you'll get. If you're more specific you'll get more specific answers (where to cut back ect) but if your question is "I make $X and am in a bad situation" the answer will often be either "$X is very little, you need to adjust that" or "$X should be plenty for that area, how are you running low?"

[–]PanderjitSingh_k 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

They’re so casual about income tax evasion... sick.

[–]lastlaugh100 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

they would tell the guy he needs to step it up and provide for his family and stop trying to control a woman

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