I had a house party last night. Invited a girl who I used to see for some time. Not gonna lie, I had and still have feelings for this girl, but I made the decision to stop pursuing after a while. We're part of the same friend circle so I thought that it would be weird if she didn't come (first mistake).

Anyway she comes over with some other friends. Next thing I know she's flirting with my roommate's friend. They disappear for a while and then I see them sitting on my couch. The same couch we used to hook up on. In my house. Somehow I spoke to her friend a little later, and her friend told me I should tell her how I feel. I didn't do that, but I fucked up and sent her (girl I used to see) a message saying "Your friend told me to talk to you, but I honestly don't know what I'd say. Good luck."

I didn't make a scene in front of her. I didn't act emotional in front of her, but other than the message, and bitching to a friend of mine outside of the house (and out of sight), I think I handled myself as well as I could.

However I can't get that image out of my head. I have some serious oneitis for this girl, and even though I'm seeing another one right now, I'm so hurt right now. I know she was never mine and it was only my turn, but for her to do that, in front of me, in my house, in a place where we made memories of our own has fucking killed me.

I know I'm going to get a lot of shit from you guys for the many mistakes I made last night. I welcome them. I just needed a place to let this out. I'm back in the anger phase with more heat than ever.

Fuck women.