This phrase gets thrown around a lot. But as with most concepts pertaining to gender inequality, the definition seems to be changeable depending on how feminists would like to frame themselves.

If a male takes exception to the usage of the term "toxic masculinity", a feminist will be quick to point out "this isn't intended to demonize men of male attributes".

No! It's to "emphasize the harmful effects of conformity to certain traditional masculine ideal behaviours such as dominance, self-reliance, and competition"!

"Don't you see how your masculinity is toxic to you?"

To me, this is an odious and sexist concept.

This is an attempt by feminism to define masculinity.

As in, first we will define what is "masculinity" (conformity, dominance, self-reliance, competition); then we will frame all of these characteristics as being inherently bad.

Finally, we will blame all of these "bad" characteristics on "other men". "Not all men", just "other men". A clever sleight of hand which aims to confuse and divide.

Never mind that those characteristics could be viewed in a positive way.

"Dominance" could mean "Leadership".

"Self-reliance" could mean "self-reliance" (how is this a bad thing?).

Women are almost always applauded for being "strong and independent". But when we see "strong and independent" in a male we call this "self-reliance", and somehow that's a bad thing?

"Competition" could be seen as "challenge", and a way in which parties push each other to achieve the best results. Why should "competition" be viewed in a negative manner?

If we look at the three main defining characteristics of "toxic masculinity" by their textbook definition, we can successfully argue these aren't negative qualities at all.

That's the academic definition. But this isn't how "toxic masculinity" is portrayed in popular culture.

The most common portrayal is "boys don't cry", or "man up". "Males unable to show their emotions".

The way this is framed is how masculinity forces men to "man up", meaning to not cry, to not show emotions, and to not show weakness. This is portrayed in a negative way.

The problem with this, is "showing emotion" is defined by feminity, meaning an overt showing of feelings is the only way to communicate emotions.

I have two problems with this:

A. Being a male, we know this is inherently not true.

I know men sometimes don't overtly show emotion. I also know what this means.

For example, when I see a man watching a sporting event where his team triumphs, often you will see zero emotion. No change.

From the strict feminine definition, this is indicative of men "being afraid of showing their emotions".

Except, this isn't the case. This is simply women not understanding how men like to show emotions.

When I see that same stoic male not celebrating a victory, I understand what that means. I can inherently comprehend the elation. This is just how some men celebrate.

True, it isn't how women celebrate. There's nothing wrong with that.

  1. It isn't other men who tell men to "man up". It's women.

In my adult life, whenever I have shown emotion to another male, I have almost always universally had those emotions accepted.

When I have done so with females, I get attacked, ridiculed, marginalized, shamed, dismissed. My "manhood" has been questioned.

We've seen so many times on social media. It isn't other men shaming men into sharing their emotions. It's women.

"Everyday is men's day." "Cry me a river." "Poor baby." "Get over it."

I've even heard women say, without even realizing the irony, "man up."

To summarize, I find the term "toxic masculinity" absolutely odious. I find it serves to undermine and confuse masculinity in boys from an early age. I find the lack of a proper definition to be a nefarious mental shell game.

I find the term completely sexist.

I abjectly reject this sexist, ill-defined term.

I believe it needs to be communicated to other men, especially boys, "masculinity" is not toxic. We do not allow femininity to define masculinity. We show our emotions and we share in a different way than females.

There's nothing wrong with that. There is certainly nothing "toxic" about it.