I just filed for custody of my child. Men who've been through this, what advice can you give me? (Update!)

TheRealBaseborn · 2018-06-08T00:46:00+00:00

Glad to hear you're working on getting a lawyer it's often worse for the one without. One that will be considered is child care, for when you're at work. . If y'all don't have that planned, get it now. I'd insist on it like that mandatory drug test, make her prove it as well.

I'm in Texas and I've seen child support based off a minimal amount regardless of hours worked as well as based on average hours worked. Hope that works for you.

Also during the summer keep a journal on anything suspicious (drugs) or you don't approve of like reading bad hygiene.

Custody battles suck, I hope yours works out for the better this fall. Good luck

TheRealBaseborn · 2018-06-08T00:51:25+00:00

My advice; ask for court ordered therapist for your child AND a co-parenting therapist for the two of you ( separate people ).

I wish I had had this right off the bat, as it has protected my child countless times since I had it ordered a few years back. Mom can be as crazy as she wants, but now I have backup who is court ordered to report her bullshit.

I know it can be expensive, but it's so worth it.

TheRealBaseborn · 2018-06-08T01:48:10+00:00

Communicate primarily by email. Saved my grits.

throwaway7145 · 2018-06-08T16:18:35+00:00

One thing I'm unsure about: Her lawyer insisted to me that child support is based on a 40 hour work week whether you work 40 hours or not, and that expenses are not factored.

This is correct. Expenses are not factored because it is up to each parent to budget their own living expenses. Child support is based on a statutory formula and will not be increased to make up a parent's gap in income or to otherwise support a previous lifestyle. That would be alimony which you are not entitled to because you were not married.

Expenses for daycare or after school care needed due to a parent's employment are separate from child support and will be divided between the parents.

It is also true that with a school age child your income will be imputed to what you could reasonably earn working 40 hours per week. Regardless of what you are actually making now with part time employment. Your education and previous salary history with full time employment will be the biggest factors in determining what is a reasonable imputed income.

Primary residence will be determined at the next date, by the judge. The mediator said it will turn to me based on the current schedule (since I have the schooldays). I'm pretty confident on this part.

Don't be so confident. This was only a temporary summer time agreement and can easily change at the next hearing date. Plus you do not have all of the school days. Under your current agreement she would be responsible for getting the child to school Mondays and Tuesdays. Do you live close enough to do 50/50? If so that is probably the best option.

Edit -- will return. Going back to check your previous post.

So it appears that you moved out from the family home, correct? How far away did you move? Your STBX will get points on the custody matter because she is keeping the child in a stable environment. As in same home, same friends, same family and social contacts, same doctor, etc. Judges are very big on stability for children. Your previous stay at home parent for two years history is a point in your favor. Unfortunately, not a compelling point because your child is entering kindergarten and parents of school age children are expected to be working full time.
So from the judge's perspective that was a situation that was going to change anyway.

I am worried that the drug test is going to come back to bite you. She literally has all summer to produce a clean sample. Even if she is currently the biggest Stoner in the world, she will test clean after 4 to 6 weeks of abstinence. It worries me double that her lawyer did not request a drug test from you. They are setting you up. Expect them to come into court with a clean drug test and say something along the lines of, "Out of sheer maliciousness OP falsely accused the mother of taking drugs. Blah, blah, blah....OP can't handle an amicable co-parenting relationship....Blah, blah, blah, OP has been or will engage in parental alienation....Blah, blah, blah, well it's not like we can believe anything else he says when he will openly state such vicious falsehoods." This is where not having a lawyer really screwed you. A lawyer would have insisted that you both be tested within 2 weeks. Her lawyer is going to walk into court with a clean drug test and slam it right down your throat.

jeff_the_nurse · 2018-06-08T00:43:46+00:00

Solid start! Nice going, mate!

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